The questions you ask

In the aftermath of an affair, people often ask many questions. Although some of the questions are an expression of frustration, bewilderment, anger and a myriad of other emotions. What they do not realize is that the questions we ask mold and shape the way we view things. The questions determine what we are looking for. A vast majority of those I work with focus their questions on the past. Like an archaeologist, they dig through their past looking for answers. It may sound logical, but  digging in the past does not provide the direction and coping skills needed for today. I often have to confront clients on their ‘backward’ questions and re-direct them to the future. They are often caught up in who or what is to blame, rather than “how do I solve this situation?” Since they are blaiming, they are not problems solving.

Be careful what questions you ask. The questions do shape where you look and what you are looking for. Too often what people need and what they are looking for are two different things. Try to align what you are needing and what you are looking for. The more you can align the two, the more effective your questionsing will be.

Best Regards,

Jeff Murrah

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