Lying & Affairs: The Effects on Children

In the same way that milk and cookies go together, affairs and lying go together. The whole foundation of the relationship is based on lies. The parties involved lie either to themselves or their paramours about their dating status. The relationship begins on a premise of untruth or a total disregard of the truth.

When a relationship begins with a total disregard of truth and acceptance of lying, it is not surprising that the lies only become more frequent and have larger proportions. I am amazed at parents who have affairs and are then surprised when their children lie to them or disregard their parental authority. I am not surprised that the child does this, what surprises me is the hubris of the parent in expecting the child to be honest and to respect them. Children are not stupid. They see what is going on. They soon figure out that the moral system preached is vastly different than the one lived. Given the contradictory message they are given, they act accordingly. The children act in a logical manner. It is the parents that are illogical in expecting the child to live in a moral world that they themselves reject.

Sadly, many parents would rather medicate their child than address the real issue of their own irresponsibility. The having of an affair is a matter of hedonistic self-gratification. The child acting out is a natural consequence of the parents choices. At times the child reacts to the parents attitude and at other times it is their behavior. Even when parents think that they are smart enough to keep awareness of the affair from their child, the child knows something is not right. The child instictively knows the truth of what is going on. The only person deceived is the parent.

This past weekend, I saw this kind of situation in action. The parent continued maintaining their denial and avoidance of responsibility in the situation. It is my hope that by addressing the effects of lying that it wakes some parents up so that the situation can be improved.

Best Regards,

Jeff Murrah

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