I find it an oddity that many people use affairs as a pretext for divorce. Somehow when a spouse has an affair, it makes divorce an acceptable option. It is as if the equation infidelity/cheating=D-I-V-O-R-C-E. Even when the divorce option is used to remedy the situation, the relationship and personality dynamics that set the stage for an affair are still in place. Those dynamics still need attention. The divorce only legally ends the marriage, it does not solve the problem, whether it was one of difficulty with commitment, sexual issues, intimacy issues or knowing how to be in a relationship. Such issues will still need to be addressed.
The oddity of using an affair is pretext for a divorce is even excused citing Biblical references to excuse the divorce. These excuses often blind the people from addressing the issues that led to the cheating in the first place. Such issues need to be addressed if the person wants to improve their lives and their relationships. What I have seen in many of these cases is that the decision is made concerning a desire and willingness to divorce long before the affair. The cheating in such scenarios is only when the trap is sprung, and their plan for divorce can be” put into action”. Yes, such thinking sounds sinister, which it is. In such cases, the cheating is part of a desire for divorce, although it is never acknowledged. In other words, the cheating and reaction to the cheating acts like a sub-concious desire for divorce.
Best Regards,
Jeff Murrah
