Pop culture speakers dismiss those speaking out against adultery as ‘prudes’. They further dismiss when the public expresses concerns about political and community leaders engaged in adultery or bigamy as unnecessary prying.
Their actions raise the concern about whether you can trust those who are engaging in such behavior. Can you trust an adulterer or adultress?
By the very nature of adultery, the act is covered by either lies or deceit. So the question is not just about whether one can trust someone engaged in adultery, but now addresses whether they can trust a liar, and a deceitful one at that?
With adultery, the very person that they swore their ultimate loyalty to has been betrayed. The cheater made promises to their spouse in their wedding vows. By having an affair, they are breaking the solemn oaths they swore.
Perhaps abiding by the most solemn promises they made is asking too much. When they made wedding vows before God it was as serious as serious gets.
Given that the adulterer or adultress has been disloyal, is that cause for concern? Can you trust someone who has a track record of disloyalty to those who are closest to them?
Can you trust someone who broke their most solemn vow?
Perhaps holding public office is not as serious a matter and promises to the people are no big deal for them. Perhaps promises to uphold the Constitution and swear loyalty to a nation is easier than loyalty to their spouse.
A third concern is the disrespect shown to the authority performing the marriage ceremony. Adultery violates the vows of marriage avowed before either a church or civil authority.
If they don’t respect those authorities, what makes you think they will respect the authority of a boss, the public, the IRS, judges or law enforcement?
When the adulterer or adulteress disregards and dismisses promises made before authority figures, can they be entrusted with positions of authority?
They made promises with a congregation of witnesses and invoking the authority of God. The affair shows disdain for the witnesses and for God.
Let me spell the significance of that out for you. In cheating. they disrespected everyone who witnessed their wedding vows. They gave a huge ‘heave ho’ to all those who witnessed their marriage. Those people were witnesses every bit as valid as witnesses to legal documents.
The cheater shows they are going to do what they ‘damn well please’ and don’t care how many people are disrespected along the way.
Those who dismiss the act of adultery as ‘a private matter’ or ‘just screwing around’ and of no significance concerning public figures have not seriously thought through all the issues that are at stake with adultery.
Adulterous acts involve lying, disloyalty and disregard. When lying, disloyalty and disregard are excused for self-indulgence, you wonder what else will they do and excuse? Will they steal from you? Will they cheat on their taxes? Will they cheat on their wills?
Infidelity is just the tip of moral compromising.
So when stories like the two deputies in Pinellas County were reprimanded or the deputy Prime Minister Bright Matonga of Zimbabwe are involved in adultery, there are more issues at stake than someone just ‘messing around’.
These public figures have lied, been disloyal and shown disregard for their positions of influence and the authorities by which they were married.
So, in answer to whether you can trust an adulterer or adulteress, the simple answer is “NO”. They’ve lied, been disloyal and shown disdain for authorities. If you subscribe to three strikes, you’re out, they already have three strikes.
The bind is that although they’ve shown themselves ‘untrustworthy’, as a spouse, you still have to trust them in some areas. You still have to trust them with money matters, child rearing and other areas.
The bind of having to trust someone who shows they are untrustworthy in other areas is ‘crazy-making’. It puts you in a no-win, no clear answer situation.
Putting your trust in someone who’s broken it puts you on shaky ground. You’re not sure where you can and can’t trust them.
One article I read pointed out that cheaters don’t seek approval of what they’ve done. I beg to differ. They may not seek approval in terms of what they did, they do want you not to hold it against them.
They don’t want you to see it as a moral indecisiveness, character flaw, poor self-control (incontinence) , or being associated with sin.
They may not say “I want approval”, but they sure don’t want you to remember it and what it says about them.
The solution?
This is why I created the video, “How Can I Trust You Again?“. Repairing the trust is important. It can be repaired when you know what to do and how to do it.
Best Regards,
Jeff
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