Dealing with ‘old flames’

Each of us have old flames in our past. Old flames usually do not pose a problem unless we start fanning the flames. When old flames are fanned, they often bring with them the old feelings that went with them. With the arousal of old emotions, there can be an increased risk of an affair. What may start out with “We were just catching up and tying up loose ends” can turn into something that you never bargained for.

The technology of the internet often provides the tools to re-connect with that old flame. Using the excuse, “We’ll let me google ‘Donna’ and see if she pops up”. With enough practice you will often locate that old flame through facebook, classmates or some other social network site. Remember that it is often easier to find them than it is to deal with the ‘Pandora’s box’ that often accompanies re-connecting with them. Unless you want to spend hours explaining your past along with the reliving the various associated emotions, it will save you and your family many challenges if you follow the old proverb “Let sleeping dogs lie”, although in this case is is let the ‘old flames’ die out. Do not fantasize about them, do not try to contact them, do not try to contact their friends. It is best to leave them alone.

One of the more ’embarrassing’ moment that  I found myself dealing with was when I was going to college. At that time I worked for a finance company who offered financing for jewelry. One of the accounts that I was assigned was to repossess a wedding ring. After a few minutes of paperwork and phone calls, I recognized that the ring I was supposed to repossess was that of one of my old flames. Once I realized the situation, I asked my boss to handle parts of it due to the sensitivity of the situation. Although embarrassing my situation was mild compared to the potential dangers to your marriage or theirs that the internet allows.

Even though you think contacting them is not a problem, it may be for them and their spouse.

Best Regards,

Jeffrey Murrah

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