When people have suffered traumas, especially sexual traumas, there are some potential risks regarding affairs. Depending on the intensity of the trauma, they may find themselves unable to say “no” or set firm boundaries in response to predators. In such cases, they often want to say no, yet the conditioning associated with the trauma make the action difficult. In such cases, they are like the proverbial ‘sitting ducks’ to sexual predators.
Those who have not been traumatized do not fully comprehend the struggle involved in such circumstances. They often want to yell and scream “WHY DIDN’T YOU SAY NO?” or “WHY DIDN’T YOU STOP THEM?”. Spouses quickly want to find who is to blame rather than focus on understanding the needs of their spouse and how such episodes set off triggers where past and present episodes blur.
If you find yourself faced with such a situation, you will need the help of a professional who has experience in dealing with such cases. The typical game of “pin the blame” on the cheater does not apply in this situation like it does in others. Many of the usual rules do not apply. In such situations the dynamics amount to a whole new set of ground rules or another dimension with the associated paradigm shift.
Nothing in this Work is intended to replace common sense, legal, medical or other professional advice. If your situation warrants it, please seek competent professional counsel.