Although Christmas time is often associated with joy, in dysfunctional families, the holidays often bring out the worst in their dysfunctioning. When the dysfunction comes out, there are often arguments, fights, threats, suicidal thoughts, binge drug/alcohol abuse and other problem behaviors. When those who grew up in such circumstances are faced with the pain of expectations and bad holiday memories, they often find some way to escape the pain. One of the ways of escaping that pain is with affairs. Although they view the affair as a way of coping with events in their lives, when news of the affair gets out, there is often even more dysfunction as families struggle in their attempt at coming to grips with the pain and what is happening in front of them. Affairs are often painful for couples and the holidays amplify pain to intense levels.
People often poke fun of Dicken’s character Scrooge who responds to Christmas with “Bah-Humbug!”. What they don’t know is that for those growing up in dysfunctional families, Christmas brings with it unpleasant memories, pain and misery. For those people, responding with “Humbug!” is one of their ways of coping with and avoiding the pain. In the case of some adults, the modern way of expressing their humbug reaction is to have an affair as a way to escape the painful memories and desperation. In such cases, it is not about an attack on Christmas, but rather an attack on the pain from their past (or present). It is not a healthy way of coping by any means. When people are hurting and are desperate, they often try to find solace via relationships and sex. With the higher emotional aspects of the holidays, there is a higher risk of affairs being used to cope with the pain.
Best Regards,
Jeffrey Murrah
