Eventually the affair ends, if it hasn’t already. The ending of the affair signals the start of a new phase of the relationship with your spouse.
Once the affair is over, you’ll face the emotional, psychic and spiritual ending of the affair. Some spouses stay stuck in replaying the affair.
Like a child rehearsing traumas until they master them, your spouse may replay what happened again and again until they can eventually let it go. No one enjoys records that get stuck, and this phase isn’t enjoyable, with the instant replays of things.
You may have told them what happened, but that doesn’t mean that they heard it all or that it sunk in. If you’re a person who only wants to say things once, this will be a challenge for you, since you’ll have to repeat yourself.
You’re not wasting your time in repeating yourself. Your spouse isn’t able to allow such an unpalatable thing into their lives at that moment.
They don’t want to accept what happened. They are playing catch up with your straying away from the marriage.
Life after the marriage will be a return to you and your spouse. It’ll mean that the two of you need to begin talking again.
You’ll have to rediscover each other again. If you approach it with an open mind, and accept your spouse’s wounding, much like you expect them to accept you wounding, this can be a healing time rather than a wounding time.
If you need more help with life after the affair, you may want the video “Overcoming Affair Relapse”. The video deals with the needs along with ways of handling them.
Best Regards,
Jeff
