(Today’s post is aimed at cheaters, although it may help the spouses understand one of the reasons that cheaters are not talking to them.)
Desperation is a painful emotion. It not only has an element of fear in it, the experience of desperation also distorts your thinking. Desperation bends and distorts events into situations that are filled with pain and other negative emotions. When in desperation, you may find yourself doing things just to escape the almost claustrophobic sensation. In most cases, you did not resolve what led to the desperation, you just wanted to ‘get out’. The mere suggestion that you will be trapped in the pain of desperation is enough to motivate you to consider options that you would not have ever thought possible.
I mention this about desperation, since it is part of the reason you may not be talking to your spouse. You want to talk, but desperation makes you think that you can’t. It magnifies the fears to the point that it is terrifying to even consider that option. Realize that desperation could be considered an emotional hallucinogen due to the way it bends, distorts and alters the ‘true reality’ of what is going on.
I encourage you to take the step to pierce through the illusion. Facing down your fear is better than dealing with an affair.
Best Regards,
Jeffrey Murrah
