As preposterous as it sounds, there are some cheaters who believe that they were “born to cheat”. You may have heard their excuses of “I was born this way!”, “I can’t help it!”, “I was never made to be a one-person spouse”. I can understand how sexual addicts can make such statements. In those cases, they have some grounds for such statements. The sexual addicts will need to be treated as an addiction.
Even in the case of sexual addicts, you will need to hold your spouse accountable for their actions. Assuming that they want to stop, they will need to begin assuming responsibility for the parts of their behavior that are under their control, even if it is being honest about what they did. If they are an addict, they need to come clean with what they did. In the case of non-addicts, they need accountability for their actions. Choosing to say nothing merely gives tacit approval to cheaters.
In the case of non-addicts, the excuse, ‘I was born to cheat!” is their way of mentally giving themselves permission to cheat. They may bring out studies talking about how monogamy is unnatural or some other material supporting their excuses. The studies only apply to those native populations under consideration, not your spouse. Your spouse may not want to commit to the marriage relationship, or exercise self-denial when they are faced with temptation. The avoidance of commitment or refusing to say “NO” to your urges does not mean that they were ‘born to cheat’. You will need to call them on such excuses if you hope for any changes to be made.
Best Regards,
Jeffrey Murrah
