Affairs are destructive, regardless of who is involved. Although you may justify your actions with excuses and self-pity, these do nothing to stop the destructive impact of affairs. One group of people who live with a high risk of affairs is that of pastors. When a pastor has an affair, the consequences are far-reaching. Since you as a pastor have spiritual responsibilities and the flock of parishioners to care for, your unfaithfulness carries with it an especially destructive ripple effect. The waves generated by a pastor’s affair have emotional and spiritual impact. It would be one thing if the only destroyed your own reputation. When you, as a pastor cheats, the reputation of your church, the reputation of your God and the reputation of your families are sullied.
The damage done by a pastoral affair is compounded by the special position that you as a pastor are in within the church. The special position you are in carries with it tremendous power and tremendous responsibility. That power can be used to bring healing or hurt. When you use it regarding an affair, it becomes ugly and destructive. The influence that should be used helping people has been misused by the cheating pastor to help themselves.
You as a Pastor, like others can be forgiven for your affair. Your situation is not hopeless, there is a way out for you. You will need to stop the affair. The sooner you end it, the better.
Best Regards,
Jeffrey Murrah
2 Responses
The term “affair” as it applies to a sexual relationship between a pastor and someone in his/her congregation is a misnomer. It is ABUSE – an abuse of power, position and fiduciary responsibility. Clergy sexual abuse (CSA) and clergy sexual misconduct (CSM) occur in staggering numbers across all faiths. According to a recent study conducted by Baylor University, 1 in 30 adult women who regularly attend church are victims. (See http://www.baylor.edu/clergysexualmisconduct/).
If you are a member of the clergy who is involved in CSA or a victim of CSA, there’s help: http://www.thehopeofsurvivors.com.
SurvivorGirl007,
Thank you for contributing. The more people understand about the issue of affairs/sexual abuse with pastors, the better they will be able to handle the situation. I agree, it is an abuse of power. Such abuses of power also occur in situations where there is a power differential (teacher-student), (therapist/client), (doctor -patient) and (police officer-civilian). In those relationships, people are exploited, whether or not the person seeking the relationship was the one in power or the one without power. Those in a position of responsibility know better. They should not confuse admiration with sexual seduction.