The other day I saw a commercial for one of those services that cater to cheaters. The whole approach of the ad focused on joining the community of adulterers and ‘have fun’ rather than stress out over the situation. I realize that companies do not spend money on advertising if it is not working. So I considered ‘who’ is it appealing to and ‘what’ are they appealing to. First, the commercial is filled with ‘the beautiful people’. You know the types that are dressed and made up immaculately. When you are feeling beat down and defeated, those types can be intimidating. The professional look also appeals to the professional class of people.
I also realized the message of ‘we are all having fun’ along with the other message, of ‘you could be having fun too if you joined us’. The reality is that such a lifestyle is filled with conflict and guilt. The commercial did not show the lawyers fighting, or the children’s pain. Instead of that, it showed the hurt spouse having ‘fun’. I understand that you are hurting and wanting out of the pain. Yes, following the advice of the commercial would get your mind of things, for a day or two, although the price tag is more than you want to pay. It is akin to selling your soul for a good time.
If the commercial were instead placed in a clinic where people are being treated for communicable diseases, or being treated for gunshot wounds from a jealous lover, or arguing in the counselor’s office or at the church confessional seeking forgiveness. Each of these settings is more realistic and true than the fantasy of “join us and have fun” mentality. The beer companies often use the same approach of the beautiful people having fun and if you buy their beer, you can join the party.
I understand that you are feeling alone. You need some comfort and relief, but joining the cheater is not the answer. Joining them in person or through participating in their world will only intensify the pain. I have worked with wives who joined swingers groups, threesomes or made their own porn sites just to connect with the cheater. None of these worked. Those things left them feeling emptier, lonelier and dirtier than before.
Best Regards,
Jeffrey Murrah
