You know that something has changed in your marriage. It does not feel like it used to. At times you feel dirty and wonder if that is something that you are doing. When your spouse is cheating, that dirty-ness or pollution is not due to what you are doing, but rather to what the cheater is bringing into the marriage. Yes, they may have cleaned up after their affair thinking that they have washed off all the signs, smells and indications of an affair. They have washed away all the outward signs, but what remains are the inward signs. The pollution of the soul if you will. Their actions bring with them the foul stench of selfishness, and defilement. They may even insist that it is ‘my body’ and ‘I have a right to what I do with my body’. In a legal sense, they may be able to make that argument, yet, since they promised all to you and you promised all to them, you are left with the question of “who has jurisdiction over the cheater’s body?”. With your marriage vows, you surrendered sole jurisdiction for a joint one. When the cheater pollutes themselves, they are polluting your relationship as well.
You are not going nuts with obsessions about feeling dirty and wanting to be clean. The cheater has brought home the pig pen to your home and your bedroom. Rather than you carrying the pain alone, you will need to confront them and address the issue out in the open. It is not by accident that the term “come clean” is used in such circumstances.
Best Regards,
Jeffrey Murrah
