Let’s blame the doctor for the affair!

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When I read that the family of a Georgia man was awarded 3 Million dollars in a court settlement after he engaged in a threesome, I was stunned and had several questions. Apparently no one told the victim that researchers at the University of Florence discovered that adultery increases your risk of heart attack. (Here is a link to the abstract of the research.) Logic dictates that if an affair is high risk for heart attacks, a three-some is extremely high risk.

I often tell clients that affairs are a matter of life and death. With affairs, you are increasing the risk of heart attack 2.7 times higher. If not from heart attacks, the passions aroused put you at high risk to threats from the people impacted by the affair. If that is not enough high risk, consider the risk of various diseases you expose yourself to in an affair.

I wonder if the cheater in this case told his physician, “Hey Doc, I plan on engaging in high risk activity that will increase my risk of heart attack 2.7 times.”

Perhaps the doctor needed to step on his toes and tell him that studies in Germany found that most men who died during sex were having an affair and meeting away from the family home. Even the CDC found with heart fatal heart attacks during sex, 75% of the time is is during affairs. Knowing cheaters, some might try to have their fling in their home in order to reduce this risk. The greater majority would continue their self-endagering plans with a “Damn the torpedoes…full speed ahead” attitude.

The jury in this case, said he was only 40% liable for his own death. In my mind cheaters are putting themselves 100% at risk in more ways than one. I suspect that the cheater did not tell his physician or even his wife about his upcoming threesome. Holding the Cardiologist 60% responsible for the death is akin to blaming mens magazines for infidelity. That kind of blaming keeps the problem going. The cheater is being let off the hook rather than being held accountable for their actions.

This episode makes it clear that when you cheat, you are taking your life in your own hands.

Best Regards,

Jeffrey Murrah


Nothing in this Work is intended to replace common sense, legal, medical or other professional advice. If your situation warrants it, please seek competent professional counsel.

Comments

  1. ZAZA says

    Yes…I brought this to the attention of my spouse …I said …if disease were not enough of a deterrant …what if you had DIED in her bed!

    He said then he would not have to worry about it!

    He now WANTS to die rather than see D DAY as a Godly INTERVENTION so he could seek forgiveness and repentance and help to examine himself !

    He still wants to DIE rather than seek GOD or make changes…

    HE does not want ANY kind of sexual relationships ….not with HER not with ME …he sees SEX itself as the ’cause’ for his behavior ….this is convoluted…it is the height of deflecting taking responsibility for ones actions ..

    THIS is a person who has A LOT of responsibility with other people’s finances!!!

    WOW. Makes you think twice about ALL other people in places of responsibility doesn’t it !

  2. says

    Zaza,

    It sounds like he is putting the blame on the results of his actions rather than the cause. Sex is not the problem. It was a matter that he wanted sex with someone who was not his wife. Wanting something that does not belong to you is the cause of the problem.

  3. ZAZA says

    I agree….so does the God of the Bible!

    Jam 1:15 Then when lust hath conceived, it bringeth forth sin: and sin, when it is finished, bringeth forth death.

    Also men have a design where war, hunting are part of their wiring for protecting and providing .

    Todays men are not as actively participating in this so where war used to be there is the career and where hunting used to be there is sports and competition …also part of the work aspect.

    Both the defensiveness useful in war …and the cut throat aspect of hunting are useful for survival and protecting a family …both are not helpful in getting along with a wife.

    When a man enters marriage not realizing his need to heed GOD’S command to husbands to “LOVE :their wives as Christ loved the church and GAVE HIMSELF for her..’ there are going to be rough seas.

    In todays world woman have been successful in usurping men’s domain . At work, and many times in the home.

    The idea of gender equality is not wrong but it has translated to many as gender SAMENESS.

    This lack of understanding that has been encouraged by media and educational venues alike has led to many troubles in men and women getting along in the marriage setting .

    Without being educated from the word of GOD as to the differences that are by design and purpose …both genders get damaged as they expect their spouses to be ‘just like me’

    Men begin to regard their wives as enemies of their freedom and manhood. They begin to see their wives according to lockeroom mythologies about the ball and chain, the ‘old lady’ …and the ‘warden’

    I know that this effected my view of how I would want to NEVER be someone that behaved like this ..and made a lot of effort to not be that way …however I tried to be the encouraging wife ‘ you go play honey’ or to avoid nagging ..it went unappreciated .

    The mindset that once married a man is ‘trapped’ seems to have risen up in our marriage despite all of the ways I tried to bahave in the opposite of this sterio type.

    Despite the fact that my husband had an ivy league education the ‘archie bunker’ syndrome seemed to appear over time …it is was like there was this DNA of man married against his will ‘ appearing from nowhere …the more freedom he got to do whatever he wanted without any resistance or complaining the more he took advantage

    This also had something to do with his friendships once he decided to discard the Lord and anything to do with moral people.

    I was listening to a Marriage Today seminar with him back right after D DAY and Jimmy Evans pointed out this phenomina…..that men needed to remember your wife is not your enemy

    When a man treats his wife as he would an adversary he assigns bad motives to her every move…My husband did this at our wedding dance! His grudge and refusal to forgive what he perceived my request to stop going in circles which was hurting my neck and causing me to become dizzy seems to be what laid the foundation for his retreat from engaging in our marriage

    This is serious . Despite my becoming aware that he was offended by my request he took it to be me ‘laughing ‘ at him …nothing of the kind happened but I recall the expression on his face…and the cold way he behaved the rest of the wedding day !

    He had had a drink with his best man and ushures and his parents just prior to the wedding …and though not tipsy …I wonder if it somehow ‘opened ‘ him up for some kind of dark influence.

    I know his family and friends often joked around and his parents were not as happy of his choice as he seemed to be…[I am older than he and was a christian …they were not church going but they were Roman Catholic in their family linkage to religion. and I was a musician]

    Anyway …he seemed to start our marriage trying to destroy our relationship! What a mystery .

    For years I tried to get him to talk about his feelings about the dance ..I tried to apologize for whatever it was that he took offense to …he remained cold and distant for the rest of our marriage and always refused to dance with me

    This is sad because I had been loving dance since I was in ballet at age four and always enjoyed all kinds of dancing ..folk , modern , ballet , ballroom …even square …I thought he enjoyed dancing as we had danced before …and I thought we could enjoy learning some dance at some point ..it is healthy and it is one great way to be together and stay ‘romantic’ …

    He refused even after many pleas …It is like anything I enjoy he uttterly refuses to get involved with .

    When we first married we did everything together even though we had very little money we enjoyed each otehr . After we moved back closer to his family and friends and his job changed he began to distance from me and to make plans for himself with everyone else…especailly when I became pregnant .

    I feel like he has spent our entire marriage punishing me for marrying him …

    I did not trick him into marriage . In fact I tried to bring up any and all reasons that might be important to consider for him ..especailly since he was younger…I never wanted him to blame me for anything that followed in our marriage .

    He simply decided that he did not want me …He did not want to leave me …I think it is because he did not want to appear to be the ‘bad guy’ so maybe he just kept withholding and not caring about the things we needed to discuss and deal with in hopes that I would leave him and he could still be the ‘good guy’

    I feel this is the case now as well . He MUST “win ‘ ,..and once he ‘wins’ he needs to go out and get more ‘trophies’

    I believe this is part of the mindset that got him interested in gathering all kind of ICONS of ‘winning’ …He got the wife …one that looked good. had talent. had some successes of her own , kept herself in shape …loved GOD , was moral . Then he put her in a nice big house with beautiful children and ‘allowed’ her to homeschool them. He looked like a great guy and wonderful husband .

    But I would shower him with praise and admiration , try to hug him and love him and he would tell me’ You shouldn’t love me ” …..this was very painful .

    To everyone he looks so successful and he enrobed himself with sporty cars, custom suits. and the final icon of a man of power and success , a mistress.

    The thrill of having this secret ‘token ‘ of success that ‘all the big guys’ had or he thought they did …and his fantasy of being ‘James Bond’ , was complete!

    This is such a sad thing …to realize that the childen and I have been nothing more than props in his ‘wonderful career ‘ …and now he uses the children of adultery for the same sort of protective sheild from the work it takes to have a grown up relationship with his wife.

    ALL of the children both grown and young are watching him ….I told him ..he cannot expect to violate his marriage and warehouse his wife for the ‘sake ‘ of being a father to those kids because sooner or later he will be exposed by the mere fact that he is NOT THERE ….and in terms of my life …he is going to answer to the Lord for what he has continued to do in neglect of my need for a companion.

    ADAM was in a garden with something to do ..His assignment was to “keep the garden’ …he had the company of GOD and animals but …God said ‘ It is NOT GOOD that man is alone …I will make him a help ….suitable for him

    The fulfillment of a man is in part in HIS WORK .,..but in a relationship his fulfillment is involved with his obedient learning to LOVE HIS WIFE .

    It is not in HER loving HIM …but in HIS ACTIVELY learning what GOD was talking about when he commanded the man to LOVE HIS WIFE .

    IT is in the process of sacrifice that a man finds fulfillment and completeness.

    Just as working in the garden was not to meet his needs …for the garden had all kinds of food and plenty of all good things..it was simply that in the process of working that man finds something deeply embedded in his design that is what he needs to do to be fulfilled

    In terms of his companionship and being completed …it is not just that a woman existed but that the man would obey GOD and learn what it means to LOVE and that involves work and sacrifice…no passive sitting in front of the ‘tube’ …but INTERACTION . SHARING …as GOD put it ….leaving , cleaving and NAKED TRANSPARENCY …

    There cannot BE marriage with two independent and selfish people …that is called ‘roomates’.

    Throughout our marriage I had more intersactions and conversations with our gardeners and mailman than my husband! This is not funny ..it was nothing romantic…but out of respect I would talk with them and even share the Word with them….

    I had little or no inflow from my husband …when he finally arrived home from work [ later I learned , from unwinding with his mistress] he would shower and then fall asleep while I put the kids to bed….he did not eat ..often having had a ‘late lunch’

    I can’t believe NOW that I did not suspect anything but he started out after our first child with such a ‘busy ‘ work schedule and he climbed the ladder so quickly I felt he must have a TON of work …I know when I was working it seemed to be a lot ..anyway ..he formed a way of living that enabled him to be excused for late nights…appointments and all kinds of ‘reasonable’ reasons why he was out .

    The damage to our children is less than it might have been …if you can measure the depth of the wounds of discovering you father tended to the lusts of a woman not your mother…and even had children by her….but having raised them with daily learning from the WORD and having a LOT of fun and closeness together possibly will give them a more healthy future than they might have had.

    It is too soon to tell .

    Their father was a professional athelete…very competitive…and very intelligent in some ways and even compassionate …to all but ME .

    I don’t konw what I did that made me the recepient of his abusive passive agressive ways but it is something I have been trying to come to terms with since D DAY especially

    Marriage to someone like this is really rough on someone even when I know I have my own accomplishments and good qualities …and I have past friends that would not believe that this man could not appreciate what he had.

    I wish I knew.

    Being competitive and wanting to win …and to achieve is great ..but why does that entail stiffling someone elses life? It is not like he has nothing of himself to be proud of …to the contrary …but something in him seems not to find that enough.

    It is not enough to wiin , achieve , attain

    I believe that when a man defiles his marriage as he has done …there is nowhere to go to ‘get’ the satisfaction that GOD has offered in the spouse…If a man is not going to love his wife and obey GOD in HOW he goes about it …he will NOT find it in anything or anyone else

    It was not a career that Adam was missing it was his WIFE …and once he was given the woman for the purpose of learning how to LOVE …it was HIS KEY to fulfillment …

    Other wise a man can ‘gain the whole world ‘ and STILL be LONELY

    My husband said he did not leave me because the OW did not have the ‘whole package’ but with her AND me he had all he could handle ..thus he did not go out and get another one !

    He was deceived …all of what he has been able to attain …and gain …most of it is gone…either sold to keep up child support…or our various debts….His ‘fame’ has passed …but he is working on building again what he had …but he is not healthy or happy due to the depth of sress and strain sin has cause him

    He strove to be happy and have fun …it did not make him fulfilled

    When a person refuses to hear GOD and learn how to enjoy the blessings it is not GOD’S fault ..it was the choice of the man .

    The fulfillment he is seeking is STILL out of reach because though he says he loves me he has chosen to invest himself in his work and in the children of adultery in his plans , his time and his effort.

    He offers little to me and our family …no plans for the future ..the only plan for any future coming up is a golf tournament and trying to decide what to do with the children of adultery this summer.

    Our family has not had a vacation for many MANY years…and when we have it mostly involved the same kind of work …housework ., cooking …etc that is our everyday life.

    I do not want to complain but the selfishness of this man seems to know no bounds…when told of it he looks sad …says he is sorry and turns right around and goes on his way .

    Not as bouncy a step anymore …more or less and trudging out to ‘get away ‘ and ‘find something to distract him from his OWN chioces which he refuses to consider any kind of change.

    A woman’s ‘desire is FOR her husband ‘ …how many preachers have I heard drum into men;’s heads that ‘beware …the wife will try to usurp your authority ‘ …they interpret this scripture to say the woman is trying to take over the leadership of the home!””

    I emphatically disagree…but a woman MARRIES a man because she trusts him and desires his LOVE !

    IT goes along with the man being told the KEY to his own happiness is found in LEARNING HOW TO LOVE HIS OWN WIFE!

    Failiing to do this …the man takes the ‘excuse ‘ that he has to assert his ‘authority ‘ as head ‘ to make sure he keeps the ‘little woman in her place’ …Funny ….My husband feared to be thought of as a chauvanist…in his corp work they drilled them to be careful of how they treated the women in the work place so it seemed he went to great lengths to be ‘fair’ to the fair sex…but in that he was even more distant from his wife!

    the ‘head’ as Jesus taught was not to DOMINATE his wife …but to be a ‘source of life’

    Loving one’s wife not only fulfills the man but brings ‘life’ to his bride…she glows …she blooms ..she opens and is receptive to his continuing to love her

    Men who complain about their ‘frigid ‘ wives might take another look at the Command of the LORD and seek out what GOD meant by this …how to do it …one was ‘PAY ATTENTION ‘ to her …learn about her …study her …so that for your 26th anniversary you don’t pick up a coffee mug at Starbucks for the occasion just after sending a check for thousands to your OW !!!

    OK …I think I am tired now …and maybe wrote too much ..

    Just to say …competition and “war games” do not work well in marriage ..save it for the board room!

    Dictators are lonely people …and those around them are miserable….ask any ‘yes man’ in a company ..they may SEEM like they ‘love the boss’ but they rarely do.

    Maybe that is the problem …my husband feels he cannot be happy and he needs a scapegoat ….It seems is easier to blame me for his choices than to work through his own issues.

  4. ZAZA says

    OH yes and another thought!….When men are raised by tender loving women ..and women are ..they may come to the conclusion that it is the JOB of the women to do the loving and giving

    In “Equipping Men ‘ series Norm Wakefield makes a point ..when men believe they get their identity as a man from women they tend to seek the prettiest …etc…as the icon of their value and manhood.

    If they are only raised in an environment of women ..and not ‘called out’ as he put it to manhood by a man who mentors him and teaches him the responsibilities and hardness in order to learn how to protect a woman and care for her….not just physically but in all aspects…then he will be forever hunting for his manhood,…and many men change women because they become insecure in ‘is this what I need to be a man ‘

    Interesting concept…and considering for many years …boys were essentially raised by mothers, aunts, grandmothers and female teachers …in the 50s especially …when men came home from war and then delved into work …providing the new prosperity and something ‘better’ for the kids…the children did not always grow up with responsibilities …but ‘play ‘became the focus …

    So the young man from this thought of his goal in life was to make money so he could have more playtime ..and all the responsibilities of the home and family were the ‘woman’s work ‘ including being loving …

    Sex became recreational and a man’s RIGHT …another ‘sport’ rather than him having to learn to love and learn the value of the relationship which is what the sexual relationship is supposed to be the fruit of .

    Easy woman …the pill and no fault divorce …made sex the new ‘golf’ of the generations following the 50s….and Kinsey simply cut all the restraints …leaving the average married man feeling like he was ‘missing out ‘ somehow….I just received “the Kinsey Syndrome, How One Man Destroyed the Mortality of America”; DVD and am going to look forward to this expose of this extremely perverted man as it discusses the depth of the effects of his book upon our national morality ….[It can be found on Lighthouse Trails Ministry or Amazon]

    ugh!

  5. says

    Zaza,

    You are putting the pieces together and connecting the dots. Kinsey certainly did his part to corrupt people. Sadly, many universities and colleges use Kinsey’s corrupted research to batter down the moral boundaries of students rather than looking at what he did through scientific eyes.

  6. ZAZA says

    I wake up each morning with the texts that my husband shares with the oldest child of the Adultery …she is 12…..it does not contain much info …he sends them as per my request so I can gain some kind of ‘window’ into their relationship and her life….her character.

    I feel it is what I need to have to be somehow “in the loop’ since I have not met them and do not have any contact with them.

    I also feel it is ONE way to learn SOMETHING about what my husband is doing , thinking

    It has given me SOME insight….but it hurts me each day to see how faithful he is …I also see how cautious he is in what he says …he told me once that he does not want there to be anything in his texts that would be incriminating or that the OW could use .

    I have no way to know if any of them are real …since he forwards them from his cell….I have no way to know what is really going on since he is still a guy who ‘protects’ others by lies.

    Since he is ‘courting ‘ these children and he has withdrawn all affection from me …we are more like people sharing a boarding house I am in actual physical pain as well as emotional pain.

    I had this physical pain beginning after our second child was born …all down one side of the body ..then it would switch …then in the last ten years or so it was only on the left side…Doctors and specialists did not come to any difinitive conclusion. I did not want to waste any more time trying to find out what was going on …I figured if they could identify it …or rule out serious disease great ….but if not I would just have to learn to live with it ….

    At times it was so excruciating that I would lie in bed and twist and turn asking GOD to take me home…but the ‘answer’ with the ‘still small voice’ was …”not so fast …your not getting out of here that easy ” ! I laughed …it was such an odd ‘thought’ …I thought God had a great sense of humor …

    Anyway …RIGHT upon the discovery of the photos and email exposing the adultery the pain left …it did not come back until just recently …

    I am almost thinking that it has some connection with this lack of being loved or touched or communicated with ….His disconnect in the past was ‘reasoned’ away with the work and his needs ideas as I rationalized how he was so busy ..even feeling guilty that I felt so ‘demanding ‘

    Now it is simply the realization that he deliberately has withdrawn …I almost feel that if he had not had those children he would have found some other reason to withdraw from the challenges of married life.

    Jeff …I am not being too self oriented when I say I have evaluated my looks, talent, personality, etc…and I have interviewed others …checked over my history of interpersonal relationships and I feel there is NO justifiable reason for this kind of cruelty of neglect and withholding .

    I see his loving kindness toward ALL others and it is a mystery to me . If I were to engage in some kind of therapy I suppose long enough to expose what MAY be the ‘reason’ for his lack of regard and consideration of me I would welcome any kind of useful exposure and confrontation of my faults because I would then be able to work on changes.

    My husband has confessed he knows he did wrong and that he should treat me better but he does not want to.

    I think he exposed one of his worldviews one time in a shocking statement that my kids heard too when I was trying to discuss something that involved him doing something for me or our family that was not all that unusual for a man to do for his family …and he said ” What have you done for me lately?”

    I was taken aback …since all of us had just gone through a huge move into a small rundown house FOR HIS convenience at the time….I now realize that that was shortly after his OW had her first child.

    So the pressures on him and the guilt was taken out on all of us.

    To all the world he appears and behaves like a nice , gentle , quiet , fair minded , compassionate , generous man …even around our home he goes about pretty much without overt behavior that could be considered nasty, angry or violent.

    This has made me think it is “just me’. but every now and then unprovoked or seemingly so …when a need has arisen and he has been called upon to discuss or deal with it …be it the house maintenance or a scheduling conflict …he “defends’ his independence and rails …and when he gets angry he has learned that it is useful to back anyone off that he does not want to hear from …sometimes it is just a frown or a pout…and that was something I should have noted in our courtship ..POUTING …and even some small “temper tantrums’ when he was thwarted …..Just didn’t see it often enough to strike home.

    One of the most dramatic times I recall was when we were dating and I had told him in the beginning that at the age I was that I was not going to get started in a relationship unless the other person knew I was in the time of life were I was interested in getting married { I was pretty direct and honest ] with his age I thought I should mention that I was not going to get involved with anyone unless it might lead to marriage.

    I thought that was fair …anyway ,,,I was having a discussion with him about what I was thinking of doing in planning for my future…and one scenario was to go into a training program for ministry which was a two year …living away commitment. He was still in his sport professionally and gone a lot .

    I was not sure what our relationship was or where it was headed and so you could look at this as my trying to find out what his plans were since I was beginning to think more seriously of what his intentions were …and I was also concerned about what I was going to do next in my life…I was 31 at the time .

    He responded by slamming his hand against the wall …it was a bit shocking since I had never seen a man do such a thing …and certainly not about ‘losing me’ ….I felt a bit ‘warned’ but disregarded it as I also felt a bit flattered that he ‘cared so much’ about losing me!

    So there it is …I did not recognize or did not want to recognize a clear RED FLAG…..I realize that in disregarding this I actually put myself in danger …but he never has been violent ..never came to that …all he has had to do over the years is imply he was going to leave …if he did not get to do what he wanted.

    My mother also gave me the advice to always let your husband have what he needs to enjoy life…to recreate….to relax …he works hard and deserves to unwind…and needs to in order to stay healthy since the job is so stressful.

    Having worked in my own career I could relate to this ‘need’ but it did not help the marriage …he took all his recreation independently …he has had four weeks of vacation …out of that time he planned one week with our family usually at a cabin where work continued for me …and NO vacations or dates with me after he began to cheat and flirt with the women at work or after work . He took half his vacations with the OW once he had her …he would leave us all to ‘enjoy’ the ranch we eventually had and he would ‘go back to work since he needed to ‘

    Of course part of this was ‘true’ since he would always make sure he DID actually do some office time .

    Once I realized that all those years he was doing this it was an additional view into the real person I was married to .

    His insisting upon keeping a ‘private life’ was also aided by my upbringing …that one does not ‘pry’ into anything that is not made available ..and in marriage I thought he would grow more ‘comfortable’ with sharing with me…I had yet to really take to heart study of the leaving , cleaving and transparency that I now understand is DUE and necessary in marriage

    In being considerate of my husband and ‘respecting ‘ his privacy I played into his secretiveness and lying .

    If at that time anyone had told me that this was what was underlying all of his behaviors I would not have been able to believe it …Also I had bought into the ‘positive confession’ doctrine and so I would not ‘believe’ anything ‘ negative’

    That kind of doctrine based upon a skewed view of ‘believing’ leads to denial and to blaming oneself if anything is less that what is ‘good’ …sickness was regarded as ‘not having ENOUGH faith”! …ANYTHING bad was something that was your own ‘lack of believing’ ….This is a VERY destructive ‘principle ‘ that is NOT based upon the truth of scripture …It causes the believer to feel responsible for every ill and lack …and to be puffed up if prosperity is theirs.

    It is not a healthy regard for blessing but something that leads people to feel above others…and if trouble comes it is regarded as their own doing !

    The idea of planting a seed is good if it is based upon truth …the WORD of GOD is the ‘incorruptible seed’ to plant in the heart and live by ….but the ‘positive confession’ teaching makes everything a person wants for themselve a ‘good thing’ regardless of what the entire word may have to say about what life is and what GOD ‘S purposes are ….over and above man’s carnal desires for himself and having what he thinks is ‘good ‘ …

    God’s will is what is GOOD and God is the ONLY GOOD so our perspective of what is ‘good ‘ needs to line up with HIS overall will…his WORD

    That ministry focused pretty much on the epistles only and took the extreme Dispensational view of the scriptures…pretty much discarding the OT and even the Gospels as only written ‘for our learning .’ while the epistles were ‘addressed to US the ‘believers’

    I could NOT believe I fell for that …but the ‘prosperity ‘ or ‘name it and claim it ‘ doctrines draw a LOT of people into them …especially people who are not knowledgable of scripture …it was huge in the 70s as many people were at the end of their own efforts to understand life…having already exhausted their quest through many of the eastern religions brought into our lives through …well the Beatles…etc….

    The views that I had of marriage were fed through this ministry and much of the seminar on christian family life ..and sex was majoring on sex…with little brought to our minds except the ‘roles’ of the wife being please your husband and respect him …and little on the husband’s commands to love his wife or any of the other directives

    Eventually that ministry fell into that type of trap that led to it’s destruction as the men heard the women told that” if you don’t meet your husband’s sexual needs he will have many other women who will!”

    This put sexuality in a category of ‘service’ and ‘requirement ‘ for the women ..and it brought about ‘entitlement’ and an attitude in the men that ‘justified adultery’

    It is of little surprise then how abuses ran rampant with large numbers of people engaging in sexual activities and infidelity ….I cannot recount …ALL I know is that I am glad by that time I was not around it …I was on the road.

    I did get approached …it was said that if they were going to have sex they should only have it among those of the ‘elite’ group that was the training group ….

    Sick …and it also brought about many divorces as the leadership endorsed people marrying among the elite group …because ‘two people who love GOD should be able to have better marriage than those who marry for romantic love” !

    It is true that two who love GOD would learn to love and perserver through the trials and challenges of life…but marriage should not start off with this kind of attitude…’

    Many divorces resulted from this false doctrinal view….and some suicides as well …the toxic doctrine of these prosperity ministries is well known among those who have had occasion to learn from what they have to offer and have gone on in life to learn the truth from ALL scripture!

    In 8th grade I had a wonderful male teacher who stood 6’4″. He had a booming voice and a commanding presence. He taught our class so much about life …Interesting how the hippie generation came from many fine homes where there was prosperity but not much father involvement. These came from the families of men who wanted to give their children some of the ‘advantages ‘ they had not enjoyed as they grew up during the war and the Depression era.

    My generation was craving father figures…This man was such person not individual relationships with students that are perverted but in his stature and character he was above reproach .He would read aloud to us after lunch, gave each child a ‘nick name’ and had a motto that has been one of my guides throughout my life “face reality proceed on principle”

    This is a great measure when dealing with decisions ….not always easy …but it also goes along with ‘to thine ownself be true and then thou canst not be false to any man’ …another of his mottos.

    I have tried to use these to measure and demand this of myself ….

    BUT

    When the hippie movement swallowed up not just ‘degenerates’ but fresh faced college students in a colorful and exciting ‘trend’ of the times…it also brought about the false teachers who saw an opportunity to gain a following of young people full of hope and desire to ‘change the world ‘and a desire to include ‘spiritual ‘ things into their lives …a la George Harrison and others…

    It was a TREND to seek GOD and to learn to practice ‘spiritual ‘ things

    AND as I tried to figure out what life was all about …my biblical roots were set aside to seek all of what could be found in all of the other spiritualities ..which there are many . The use of recreational drugs was also a “given’ but not one I was eager to investigate

    I did a paper for my college health class on drugs …and coincidentally wouldn’t you know that led to people challenging me to try some ..since “how do you know anything about something you haven’t tried’ ! I can’t believe I fell for that …but without the truth of God’s word working through things brought to you, you don’t have the thinking and reasoning skills that would expose the fallicies…at least I did not .

    By that time I had been a freshman at a college I later realized was full of PK’S …I did not really think about that too much at the time …my roomate was a missonaries daugther…and they had chapel every evening but I did not realize until I went to a state school later on that this was anything distinct…I guess I was pretty clueless…

    Most of what I heard of at that school my first year away from home was the discussion around sex…who was ‘doing it ‘ or who was ‘going to do it ‘ ,,,,,I guess I was really niave…I was ‘assaulted’ with taunts and teasing because I would not kiss a boy or engage in petting ..THIS was a school that was supposedly christian ..and my virtue that I was trying to uphold was attacked outright …and the but of joke…

    It was a small enough school that soon my morality was somewhat on target….even with people writing things on the placard of the rook week intiation we wore everywhere as freshman.

    What was supposedly all done in ‘good fun’ was just another ‘nail in the coffin’ of my virtue….I did not give in but it was not helpful and I was pretty hurt by this .

    ANyway …all of the virtues I went to college with were attacked ether outright by other students in both the christian or the secular colleges….OR through indoctrinations in classes.

    This is no new news to people who learn from their own study of the word today …but back then I did not know what was happening and I did not have a real faith grounded in truth of scripture …our family was not a church attending family once I was confirmed …though I did not retain any of the catecism …I was usually in those classes on a hot saturday afternoon …the room dark and dozing …

    So much for my religious equipping …my teen years were fed with Disney mouseketeer ism …which had it’s own agenda…and then dance band….and then the Beatles….along with my own music studies…which were more performance oriented than academic.

    I did not really become an ardent READER until I really read the BIBLE with interest and appetite…alone in my room after many a journey into the various offerings that abounded in that day and time.

    It was not really that long a period into hippiedom …in it’s most destructive aspects…maybe two years….but it was enough to teach me and expose me to many MANY of the ideologies of that time…I studied eastern philosophy and immersed myself into all of the indian culture available in the college setting …it was not hard …it was popular to learn this stuff….

    I learned more and more about various things like Bagavad Gita , Upanishads, Rig Veda…Urantia …I Ching,…many of the various deriviatives of all kinds of spiritualizms of the day …even witchcraft…I worked in Esalen Institute where the new age isms were growing and being fed to hungry wealthy people from SF and around the various cities …people who were successful financially but failing in relationships ..and wanting to ‘get in’ on the hippie movement ‘fun’

    The Lord kept me through a nightmare of a kidnapping and various other assaults upon my person as I went from ‘loving ‘ being giving all to everyone to learning more about what true loving is …but it has been as we see a LONG …and very treacherous road…as the deceptions abound not just in the world but among those claiming Christ.

    Despite the ways I was deceived I maintained a desire to do good toward others ..and never devised any kind of way to hurt or harm …the aim was to live my life helping and loving people .

    In ministry as well as the music business I started to learn what it meant to be ‘street smart’ …I was raised to be a ‘lady ‘ by a mother who was raised in another era …the Victorian era where ettiquete and manners were the rule ..and people did or did not DO certain things…a life that was guided by rules of appropriate dress and attitude…and posture….What a contrast to the way my life went when met with the growing disregard for protocols of even courtesy ….one year I was continuing to expect others to live by agreed upon rules of conduct and morality ..then suddenly NO HOLDS BARRED

    From out of this chaos …the hippies became “Jesus Freaks’ many genuinely in love with the LORD and his word …but in the search for like minded believers…the grouping began to appear and in the case of the ‘ministry’ that I began to be involved in …a man from middle america saw an opportunity to ‘populate his pews’ with these rag tag lovers of the LORD

    I now see him as an opportuniist …a renegade from his own denominational background …a visonary of his own glory …and these sincere but unlearned devotes of the Lord were soon to be gathered into and under his guidance…into the bowels of hell that false doctrine provide.

    His charisma ..and his offering of loving acceptance and like rebellious ‘take ‘ against the hypocracy of the ‘traditional church’ was appealing to these young people ..many of whom also craved the father figure that was so lacking in their various backgrounds from wealthy entitled family to those less provided for .

    Lacking a FATHER in all it’s aspects makes one vulnerable ..and seeking someone to help with ones walk seemed to be acceptable since Jesus had disciples and there is some need for such mentoring seen in the WORD .

    Being isolated from others due to the calling out from the world …but to be living IN it ..through it is a heavy concept we see down through time the swinging pendulum from isolationist cults to those who enter into control with such massive dynistic means as the Roman Catholic monolit.

    People are seeking GOD ..and seeking a guru …when I learned from the Word that HE who IS the WORD promised to be my guide into all truth it was a glorious and wonderful day ..but it takes TIME to learn this ..to SEE it ..and to learn HOW it works that HE will guide one INTO the words that will explain themselves and all things that we encounter in life

    The one painful truth is though ..that we cannot transfer this to others…not really ..we can offer up what we learn as an appetizer …but each person must respond to the truth from their own desire to learn and know HIm ……My husbands rejection of truth and learning what it is to love rightly is one sad and painful example…HE sees what is the truth but chooses to deny it and to defy it …

    He is too content with his life going on ….manipulating his words and thoughts …as long as he can fool enough people to continue to live the way he wants to …he feels this is GOOD ….it is ‘right’ as long as people do not know the reality

    He thinks of it as his family apparently taught him …that ‘what they don’t know won’t hurt them’ and ‘ if it feels good do it ‘ …another mantra from Aliaster Crowley …occult guru of many of the musicians in rock music…they even acknowledge him …

    My husband’s acquiring of this attitude came not just from his family of origin but no doubt from his own ‘mind controlling ‘ efforts through constant devotion to TV and MUSIC …all the time …on …something always ON.

    ANyway …I am getting long winded AGAIN …I must get going in my day …I have actually forgotten what I was starting to discuss here….it seems a bit theraputic to discuss whatever comes to mind .

    I guess the point is that I have had some experiences that GOD has used to cause me to see the contrasts between HIS word and what has been presented as His word ..and the discrepencies and the damages done by applying what is partial truths …most of which have become destructive doctrinal beliefs that are presented as biblical but are not founded in biblical TRUTH ..but only attach the name of Jesus or bible to them in order to legitimize them

    JUST what Jesus told us the false teachers who would come claiming He IS the Christ but would be teaching the unlearned things in his name….to add some sort of weight of validity to their false offerings….

    It is all about the glory and the cash. They do not care what they do to the people they use.

    “Their god is their belly ‘ [ their flesh] is a truth we sadly learn one way or another…they are OF the WORLD .

  7. says

    Zaza,

    I am at a loss for words in knowing how to respond. You have been through a lot and are searching for answers. I can relate to much of what you have written. I took some graduate theology myself and know some about Dispensationalism, etc.

    I have read and re-read your post several times and am still not sure how to respond to the kind of pain and anguish you have suffered through.

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