As surprising as it sounds, there are some families that love cheaters. Rather than using moral values of right and wrong to direct its members, these families are directed by other motives. Some want children and grandchildren and are not particular about the circumstances of their birth. Other families are driven by ‘getting ahead’ or increasing opportunity at all costs. If getting ahead means having an affair, so be it. They want to see their loved one get ahead and provide support to them whether they did something right or wrong. For such families right and wrong is not based on a moral code, but rather achievement. The achievement may vary from family to family. If you have to have an affair in order to join up with a family that has the desired social standing, then whatever you did to achieve that is approved.
The danger of such families is that they confuse the emotions and standards of everyone involved. You may talk of ‘family values’, which to them means ‘get (ahead, grandkids, social status, etc.)’. So making appeals to those families becomes frustrating and confusing. The values they have put marriage secondary to achievement, while you are wanting to preserve your marriage. Their support puts a strange spin on family dynamics.
There are also families that may disapprove of your marriage. Since they disapprove of your marriage, anything that will weaken that bond is acceptable in their book. They may base their disapproval on religious grounds, personal grounds, racial grounds or national origins. Whatever their motive, their actions in promoting an affair works at weakening your marriage. It may even be your family that is at work to weaken your marriage. They are pulling the cheater one direction while you are trying to pull them in another.
I say this in order to make you aware that the power behind the affair may not be your spouse, but instead a family that is using their power of influence to destroy your marriage. When dealing with an affair, it always helps to know what you are dealing with.
Best Regards,
Jeffrey Murrah
One Response
Well you know my situation . The OW ‘s father and mother apparently did not do anything but encourage their daughter…even her therapist did little to deter her. I know that one of her half sisters was against it since she claimed Christ and my husband told me she once asked HIM HOW he could be doing what he was doing ..having a child ..then children with her sister with his wife being a serious follower of Christ …he did not ‘remember ‘ what he answered her.
He said that her parents probably did not like what they were doing but that they loved their daughter and enjoyed the grandchildren and maybe even had hope that he would leave me ….even thought he always maintained that he would never leave me even from the first date …all the way through ..as I have and email that he saved of hers during the second pregnancy which he had resisted for a while until he finally gave in because she said she felt so sad that the first child might be an ‘only child’!
All through this I sense that he felt trapped …once he committed adultery he was under her manipulation ..fear of discovery or exposure…her ‘need ‘ for a new job …knowing he was boss and did all the hiring …but he was really stupid doing this …put himself in even MORE danger of not just his marriage but his all important career ! it is appalling that he would do something so foolish..
Yet another evidence that sin is seductive and a snare ..it results in control ..once the devil gets an open door to the mind through seducing people through considering thoughts first becoming critical of the spouse…maybe critical of God …then looking around at whatever else is out there …maybe in todays realm the bold offerings of people who have NO respect for marriage ….do not care about children …
I see that these two did not really see children as PEOPLE …now the reality has hit both….she is fully loaded down with the care of them …He is trying to parent while keeping in our family …but parenting singularly as I am not part of it ….and he is at enmity with the mother …none of which is going to bod well.
How sad …HE knew the word of GOD ..and even those who don’t HAVE a god given conscience that is one of the reasons there will be NO EXCUSE before the Lord for these choices made.
Adultery is not an ‘accident’ or a ‘mistake’ it is a deliberate decision and has a lot of steps that come prior.
Also HIS family roots were not in favor of adultery but their lifestyles was worldly and fleshly ..while somewhat self righteous …not religious but they had a real arrogance when it came to being told anything about the Bible.
Pride is a WALL.