What is flirting?
Flirting for some people comes natural. It is one of the ways they communicate.They learned early in their lives how to use these behaviors, and they have become second nature.
Flirting is not something limited to either men only or women only. Flirting occurs across ages, gender, cultures, ethnicity, and religious groups. Although there are cultural differences in what constitutes flirting, the behavior of flirting is universal. Although flirting is natural, knowing the difference between innocent and dangerous flirting can keep the flirting from becoming a mating dance or fertility ritual.
A handsome man often attracts flirting responses from surrounding females. Although a majority of the flirting gestures may have innocent intentions, there is always a potential for the relationship to turn into something more serious.
Learning how to tell the difference between innocent flirting and potentially dangerous flirting can help avert potentially dangerous situations.
Some women make it obvious that they are trying to get your spouse’s attention.
Some women make it obvious that they are trying to get your spouse’s attention.
Innocent Flirting
Some women choose to use flirting as their primary way of dealing with men. Flirting often involves a series of non-verbal gestures directed at the man. They may be a simple as a glance or changes in their tone of voice. As with many forms of communication, if the flirting message is ignored by your husband, flirting dissipates.
It is when your husband acknowledges or feeds into the flirting that it continues. It is also important to consider the cultural context of the flirting’. In some parts of the country, waitresses often use terms like handsome’ or sweetie’ as part of their natural routine.
Those terms are their way of ‘schmoozing’ with the customers. When the waitress uses the terms in the context of her duties, they often make for dealing with the public to run smoothly.
When such terms are combined with other flirting gestures, then there is some need for concern. There is added concern when those gestures are directed exclusively to your husband.
Some of the innocent non-verbal signals include:
- Overly sweet or syrupy tone of voice.
- Tilting of the head when they speak.
- Giving an affirmative look
- Nodding the head.
5. Leaning toward the person.
6. Touching of the hair when they speak
Dangerous Flirting
When flirting goes from eliciting acknowledgments of attractiveness to seductive gestures, there is cause for concern.When a woman begins praising sexuality rather than attractiveness, the flirting has crossed a line into seductiveness.
Dangerous flirting starts to occur when the other woman’s’ talk becomes sexualized’ or filled with double-meanings that could have sexual overtones directed at your husband.
When such changes occur, there is a definite change in the relationship from innocent to intentional. Such behaviors typically occur when the your husband has acknowledged and replied to the innocent signals. The relationship is then being taken to the ‘next level’.
Besides changes in what is talked about, there are also behavioral signs that the flirting has become more serious.
Instead of a passing glance, there is a deliberate focusing of attention on your husband. There may be a purchasing of drinks.
Each drink purchased raises the possibility of danger to a greater degree. There may also be preening gestures’.
Preening gestures are those behaviors where a person is actively communicating that they are making themselves look good for their flirting playmate. In this case, their selected playmate is your spouse.
This includes brushing the clothes, touching the hair with their hand and more tossing of the head when talking to or looking at the other person.They may even move closer to your husband, and lean forward whenever he speaks.
When the touching advances from preening’ to stroking arms, legs or face, the flirting has reached a dangerous level. The flirting is definitely in the RED ZONE.
The danger is intense when the touching has sexual connotations to it. Such actions send the message-“I want to do this to you!” A gesture that often occurs in this class of action is the pursing and licking of the lips. This is accentuated when the flirter caresses their drink or cigarette in a slow suggestive manner.
The flirting is definitely overheated when the flirting signals include overtly sexual gesturing. When the flirter begins pointing to highlighting or displaying the sexual aspects of their body, you are in the danger zone.
This includes a shifting of the hips, hiking up their dress, bending over to expose cleavage or undoing buttons on their blouse. The danger is intense if the husband responds and begins shifting his body to appear more muscular and drawing attention to their physical attributes.
Dealing with Flirting
In dealing with someone flirting with your man, prevention is always preferred to trying to deal with it when it has become dangerous.
The best way of dealing with it is to ignore it and to encourage your husband to ignore it as well. When the signals are ignored, they often diminish. When they are acknowledged in either a positive or negative manner, they may continue.
If your husband is a habitual flirter, it may be necessary to have him use caution in wherever he goes. He needs to know where to draw the line between flirting and seduction.
If he can not draw the line between flirting and seduction, he may need to avoid restaurants, clubs, and gathering places that are high risk. They may need to stay in groups in order to diminish the possibility of flirting behavior getting out of hand.
When you need to intervene, block or break the eye contact between the husband and the flirter. If blocking the flirter does not work, you may need to change your seat, change the topic of conversation or even leave with him where you are at.
You may even want to do something to distract him. This would include sudden things that take his attention from the woman flirting with him.
If you ignore the flirting, but your husband plays along, you are in a two against one situation. You will want to have a clear idea of where you draw your boundaries and stick with them. Some wives are not bothered by innocent flirting.
One of the concerns about flirting that is rarely discussed is the attitude of the husband. When he goes into public places looking for something, he will often find it. When men have wandering eyes, they see things. Those with ‘wandering eyes’ often pick up on the seductive signals, even when they are subtle.
They instinctively know what the signals mean. When they are overwhelmed by the signals, their urges and instincts become aroused. Once the instincts and urges are aroused, they run the risk of ‘giving into them’. At that point, many men find that they are reacting, rather than making conscious choices.
If your husband is disgruntled with you, there will be some added risk. The grass often looks greener elsewhere. When their eyes, heart and mind are focused on their wives, there is no fertile ground for the flirting to take root. When you husband is disgruntled, his eyes, heart and mind are looking elsewhere rather than to you.
Instead of the risk of loosing your husband to the seductive flirting, take steps to keep their attention focused on you.
Best Regards,
Jeff
6 Responses
This was a very well ordered description of what goes on , especially in office environments, night clubs and even sporting events.
For some men it does not matter what ‘good thing’ they have at home…they are so insecure they shift into entitlement as soon as their economic assets allow them more ‘freedom’ of movement.
With men who are aware of God and know at least some of the way accountability is unavoidable with God no matter how many people they may think they ‘fool’ …truth is they really fool no one , eventually those who USE them in their delusion do not care even as they know the man is playing a game.
The sad thing is a wife can do all kinds of things ‘right’ an her man will refuse to govern himself , especially if he has had some experience with being the ‘successful guy’ of his family , the BMOC , or some modicum of success in whatever his game or work is .
His thirst for the ‘high’ of conquering is already set off and he cannot get comfortable in the ‘average’ life that he believes being a married man is .
The locker-rooms , movies such as Bond, and magazines that glorify womanizing all the while by posing as a feminist …all work to give a man the idea that ‘fooling around ‘ is acceptable and a icon of masculinity
In truth a man who is on the prowl only is advertising he hasn’t got a lot of personal respect for himself and is trying to compensate for the confusion that he has because he does not know for sure what manhood is or looks like.
It seems too that for some men the more unhappy their lack of care they take IN FRONT of their wife the more they enjoy it .
IS this sadism? Don’t know …but it hurts all involved ..eventually ..except those who flirt without really wanting the ‘catch’ they may get…in truth they fully feel disrespect and disdain for any married man they can successfully get to cheat! It is a power play .
It is sad that some men are so egotistic they do not think of this as possible!
Zaza,
You are quite correct. Some men can not handle the BMOC status, praise or accomplishment. Although it sounds odd, not everyone can handle success. They have not realized that success does not give them sexual license.
Grrrrr MORE bad new Jeff….sigh…and boo hoo!
This last weekend as I shared the word with my husband and then went into a prayer he interrupted me and confessed to having had two other adulterous women WHILE in the midst of his adultery that he was carrying on for the 14 years . He told his adulteress at that time . The two women worked for the same company and they seduced him at meetings in NY . He said it was after the dinners and drinks , They were two different people at two different times …and he said nothing more than a ‘fun’ sort of thing …several different times different trips …incidents years apart.
I was once again crushed….How I feel is hard to describe. You know that any women before he had been in love with were few and they were in the past …Since we married and he was pretty much involved with being on the same page on faith, marriage , fidelity and we were enjoying life in all aspects together.
The trouble started when his career changed from work that involved his sport with one other man who was a lot older to working in a field in a corporation on the fast track of upwardly mobile management training .
The Corportation to me of this kind is only concerned with the bottom line and seduces those who agree to work for them into slavery in my thinking .
Once he got into that he actually distinctly ‘changed Lords’ as far as my retro view of all of this is.
The Body of Christ is a corporate body under the direction of Jesus Christ as ‘CEO” in a way
The corporations that are mostly about the bottom line are more and more a cesspool that encourages division of a man from his family …WIFE and family …
It seems that the motto ‘ what happens in Vegas , stays in Vegas’ now applies to the corporate culture
I am crushed..it is one thing to feel that you are what your husband has chosen as his FINAL choice….it is another to realize that once he has seen you , gotten into all your intimate aspects of you life that he found you so ‘boring;’ that a woman he barely knows but thinks she’s got the body , face and charm that makes him forget all about you ..or worse….he and SHE knows about you but SHE has more that is ‘interesting ” to him than YOU !
His excuse is that he felt that we were just ‘too different’ ….but that opinion did not come up UNTIL he worked in the office environment …and all of the ways he “HAD ” to spend more time with his work …lead to his WANTING to rather than ‘needing ‘to if he was going to advance…
That kind of time spent with others…and less and less involvement with homelife makes the comparison that no home , wife or family can compete with ..especially with all the perks and fun that the ‘business’ world adds to the trips to ‘entertain’ their management and various other producers ….especially in the financial field
These women did not care about sexual activity …they did not expect even LOVE it was simply a FUN thing.
They are workers who have status in their company but they seem to feel part of the fun and enjoyment is sex with any man they can lure …My husband says he did not promote it nor did he refuse it …I asked how did they get to the ‘decision ‘ of ‘we are going to have sex’ …he said it was just understood!
So …apparently even when people know you are married …if you are at a company dinner….have a few drinks…and are having fun and laughing THAT is a signal that sex follows!
I am humiliated to think of all the company dinners we were attending where I was doing my best to represent my husband with a sense of dignity , fun and decorum to think of what others who probably observed his behavior must have been thinking of me !
Since we were into the Bible and fellowships as we met and married …and before his entry into that field…I believed that he was such a great guy with so many attribute that God had blessed him with that he would be a wonderful influence of strength and morality in any work place.
It was apparently only MY faith since once he began developing relationships with other people …and more time …the less he cared what his behavior did to my heart and our marraige and family ..
He is still here but he has stated he has done too much harm ..and he feels has no hope of salvation and his soul is lost and he hopes to die and go to Hell since he feels he has destroyed all of his influence in our home
I have kept the hope for five years…and do want to see our marriage restored but he now has to invest his time in building up his business since all of his 27 years of differed income is GONE …SMALL wonder that global company imploded …SIN of this magnitude among its employees has IMPACT .
Funny when a woman is younger and in shape she is not as shy with her husband knowing or THINKING she is the only woman he is interested in and delighting in
After marriage I worked hard to maintain my appearance , to learn all I could about how to be a good wife , tried to learn from my husband what he liked in every category ..HE refused to share his thoughts and refused to HEAR my contributions once he got into his career with such a glittering future.
It was like he began to believe he COULD be like James Bond ….buying himself a new sports car …every couple of years….He once told me after D Day he began to feel invincible, and like the guys in the ‘big leagues’ ….I know women found him attractive …even recently the woman doing my hair commented on how
‘hot’ he is …and we are both over 50!
I feel so violated …
It hurts so much to realize that no matter how in shape I am …how well maintained yet not overly so …[Despite my husbands income I did not go around as others whose husbands were in the same ‘league’ and join clubs , play bunco, do charity work or shop in great stores and get my hair done …I taught my children , cleaned my own home, stayed prepared should my husband ever HAVE time for me and US ….and kept my faith growing in my searching the word .] In otherwords I KEPT my priorities in the right order that I read in the Word mattered to GOD and were best for the marriage .
My husband simply kept too close company with ungodly people who did not value marriage! It corroded his love for GOD , and for me and for our family …Family life was ‘too dull’ for him to care to learn about what was called for …the distractions and lures of ‘good people’ at work and their ‘needs and wants’ overshadowed his sense of responsiblity beyond paying the bills…which I appreciated but as I told him often as I made some suggestions for activities that we might enjoy together or as a family ….and he refused….saying he had to ‘work’ . “I did not get married to go everywhere alone or do everything alone.”
He acted like I was too demanding and as if I did not appreciate how HARD he had to work and how much time his work had to take
You know ..one time when he was transferred and we had to move as we hunted for a home I told him that I did not want to buy any home that would be the cause of him having to work to death to get it
I meant that …and he said that he would be careful not to agree to buying a home that would cause him to do that ,
It seems that he just had too many admirers that looked better at work ..even though I have to say ..this is not truly the case….They did not look better he just became BLIND to the woman he married…and too enamored with the image of himself he felt was exciting as a man who could play around with many women
THANKS FRANK SINATRA and the RAT PACK ..another of his families ICONS of ‘manhood’!
Great music …lousy role models!…You don’t what to know what I am thinking right now….I have to ‘renew my mind’ because …on the one hand I am happy to read that GOD has some pretty severe judgment in line for those who sin this way …but on the other hand we are told to pray for those who persecute us and who dispitefully use us …I think I need to ask the Lord to do some SERIOUS heart ‘ surgery’ in me …I am so incredulous how this man was changed from exactly what GOD told us …Evil companions CORRUPT GOOD morals…
That turn in his road of life that HE CHOSE took his life away ..and the life all of US were supposed to have
I say ‘supposed’ to have not because I expected a life without challenges or a perfect man but in marriage we vow to be faithful FOR the SAKE of the LIFE that it is supposed to involved BOTH through things…not one damaging the other and stealing the life from one’s WHOLE family!
NONE of us had the life that was to be in what MARRIAGE IS ….therefore it is to ‘steal life’ which MAY be why the penalty for adultery in the Bible is the SAME as it is for MURDER.
Lying is not so great either …if I recall ALL who are liars find themselves in the lake of fire IF THEY DO NOT REPENT…..
Repentance is MORE than just stopping sinful activity …is it not?
Zaza,
Repentance starts with turning from the behavior, and making major changes in one’s life. You quit doing what was wrong, start doing what is right and take whatever steps you can to correct the situation. The revelation of more affairs is not pleasant news my any stretch, although he is becoming more honest. It is better to know what you are dealing with, than always be wondering. He has some major work to do in terms of healing his fragmented soul.
my husband flirt everybody irrespective of age and relation he is responsible for my deteriorated healh i am getting anxiety serious strokes how to treat him.he is not coming under control
thanking you
REETA
Reeta,
Thank you for writing. It sounds like you are in a tough situation. The stress from having to deal with constant indiscriminate flirting with everyone makes the situation extra challenging. You have to consider your health and his behavior. In tough situations like that, you will need to take care of the threats to your health first. Once your health is improved, then you can focus on changing and confronting his behavior. Trying to change him before taking care of yourself is a recipe for more problems.