“Could it be that all of the world’s greatest human tragedies are attributable to only 4% of the human population?” was a question asked by Dr. Maratha Stout. She considers that possibility that many of our relationship problems, including affairs may have their roots in religious sociopaths. An article by Rev. C J Conner “The Characteristics of a Religious Sociopath” explores this issue. The article raises concerns in that there are times that the very people you are going to for help may be doing more harm in the long run than you imagined.
I am still thinking through the article, but I thought that it may give some insights to you readers.
Best Regards,
Jeffrey Murrah
6 Responses
Very interesting article ..particularly part four on Forgiveness…I found some great insights there…THANK YOU!
Zaza,
You are very welcome. I thought that you and the other readers would find ti of interest.
Dear Dr Jeff,
And I really do mean ‘DEAR’! As l continue to read your posts & the comments, l am able to reshape myself, reframe my view of who, where and what I am as an individual. It is far too easy to define oneself according to the cheater’s views, standards, etc. But, since their minds, hearts & souls are so skewed and scattered, we are in danger of becoming skewed and scattered, as well. Our focus must be on being the best servant of our loving Creator, (not of our cheating spouse) seeing how He views us.
Your information has been soul-saving to me! Please, keep it up! This is only the second time I have replied to any of your posts—there are many like myself that soak up all you write (including your book!) but do not have the time or strength to put their appreciation in words here in the ‘comments’ section. As you know, dealing with affairs is very draining, even years down the road. Though you do not hear from me, l read your info every day, as well as info from some of the other great relationship experts. Thank you for expressing your love of others in this way!
Through your fine assistance, l also was equipped to walk my precious son through the same deep, dark horrors as his Dad has put us through. Thank goodness our son did not follow in his Dad’s footsteps! He is a kind, loving, compassionate man. But, sadly, his wife subcumbed & was lured away. Remember the piece you wrote about how many ‘predators’ will use ‘witch-craft’ to hook their ‘victim-lover’? Well, that is what happened with my son & his wife.
Thankfully, she has managed to pull free now and is so remorseful, saddened, sickened and truly repentant! This was partly due to my son going ahead with the divorce, (which he did not want–loves her dearly!) which knocked her back into reality. You wrote about that, too. However, it did cost them their marriage, which was a happy marriage. I believe you wrote about that, as well—–How so often a shattered soul will target a happy marriage, as in ‘misery loves company/l want what you have/l’m going to destroy you to get it’.
Having this type of information from professionals such as yourself allows those of us who have experienced this horror to not be destroyed by it! We are able to sort ‘this from that’, get a handle on ‘what’ & ‘why’, and go on to have happy and productive lives. Without this sort of guidance and insight, no one can truly live through it. Continue to exist, perhaps. But, not truly live……l know because this is not the first time he has cheated….had l had this type of information in the past, l would not have experienced this again. Why? Because l would have changed my reactions, my self, my attitudes, my understanding of ‘why?’ and so on & l would have not allowed him back into my life! Or, my responses would have caused him to alter his ways and thinking. I was brain-washed to believe, as many are, that l just needed to be a better wife, do ‘this’ better, do ‘that’ better….you know the drill…….Kept me imprisoned for nearly 32 years!!!
Am no longer imprisoned by it, even though we still live in same house together. But, not for long. Just need to get some finacial ‘duckies’ in a row, both for myself and for my son (we all have a thriving business together) Anyway…..l digress….main reason for my comment was to let you know how DEAR you are to me and to many others you will never hear from. Carry on, my Friend!
Sherri,
Thank you for your kind, heart felt comments. My wife and I were both touched by what you shared. Your comment came at a time that I needed encouragement myself. It always touches me hearing how the post have provided hope, encouragement and direction to you and others. Some of those posts you refer to are old ones, which tells me that you have indeed been reading them a while. I am glad that your sons wife managed pulling out of her situation. Shattered souls do indeed select families for targeting and they do not play fair.
I hate to hear about your being imprisoned and trapped for 32 years. It is unfortunate that the cheater put you and your son through what they did and refuses to change. That is a long time to remain in an unhealthy marriage with a cheating spouse and father. It is encouraging that you are finding hope rather than succumbing to despair and the spirit of resignation taking over.
Your words are an encouraging light to others who continue stumbling for answers in the darkness.
Best Regards,
Jeffrey Murrah
Dear Dr Jeff and his lovely wife,
I have, indeed, been reading your posts for quite some time, perhaps for as long as you have been posting! (My last round of insanity began in the Summer of 2003 & is still not fully resolved)
I am so glad to have a reply from you!
After l wrote it this morning, l went out to pay business bills, as well as buy food and so on for the husband who has for so long sucked the life out of me! However, I did it by choice, as I have chosen to continue to show God-like and Christ-like love until I am in a position to remove myself from the home. It actually brings a lot of peace to the home. I refuse to lower myself by returning like for like……’Vengence is mine’, says our Creator……
It is amazing the changes and improvement that is to be had by understanding all the ‘whys’ & ‘whats’! Such a relief!
By the way, my former ‘daughter’ just contacted me again today, asking for advice. How is that for the power of true love, the kind of love you display in your counseling! As you well know, when we conduct ourselves this way, we are just reflecting the glory & love of our Creator! I have not turned my back on her through all of this & it is having such a positive affect!
Any who refuse to change are in actuality refusing to reflect their Creator’s love. How sad is that!
All our answers actually lie within the pages of the Holy Scriptures, free for all to take in……
Once again, carry on my Friend! I will post again soon!
Dear Jeff….and Sherri,
I just LOVED how Sherri expressed appreciation that I too want to convey . Sherri thank you for putting into words the depth of thankfulness and faith for the kind of support and education that Jeff offers here .
I am about to have our 32nd wedding anniversary . I am going to be in surgery that day and my husband is going to be out of town! He could not avoid this due to our financial situation but said that since he messed up our marriage so badly that he did not think it was anything to celebrate!
Even as I understand the necessity for him to be away it still hurt me that he was so matter of fact about how it was nothing to celebrate or even express how sorry he was for how his not even talking it over or informing me that he was going to be gone was so discourteous. Fine way to show some effort to help heal …or move on or even true sorrow for his behavior.
‘
I am five years out from the first D Day …and a year out from his confession of reconnecting with the children of the OW …they planned ..the children are still very young…13 and 8 ….and then I am only a week or two out from his recent confession of having had two other adulterous relationships WHILE he was also having a more enduring OW through that whole time of 14 years!
What do these people THINK the wife and family are living like while they steal the spouse’s affection, focus and every other resource….! I STILL find this to be mind boggling even though I ‘understand ‘ it from the spiritual standpoint and many other aspects….I guess that is the difference..those who set their mind upon being faithful cannot imagine doing something that hurtful to their spouse and children.
Anyway ….I was very moved by your words to Jeff and his most faithful wife. She too gives of some of Jeff’s time so he can comfort and console…provide info and a place to vent …I thank her too for allowing us to gain some equilibrium in all of this because many of us have really NO one that either knows or knows what to do or say aside from their own personal point of view which is not as qualified or informed and sometimes may do more harm than good in ‘helping ‘ .
Thanks gang …and keep on sharing ! To me is something of a life line….B>D