Although the terms ‘life threatening illness’ and ‘affairs’ are not often used together, it’s surprising how many times the two go hand in hand. For whatever reason, some cheaters believe that when there’s a either a life threatening or disabling illness that they have ‘needs’ and a right to have a relationship.
For them having sex is more important than fidelity to their spouse. At that point they take it on themselves to have an affair.
At a time that their spouse needs them most, they are not there. Although some ill spouses do not want to be surrounded by loved ones and face the pain of saying ‘farewell’, that reluctance does not automatically equate to a ‘free pass’ for the cheater.
During the time of life threatening illnesses, you’re vulnerable. Your needs are not being met, you are going through an emotional roller coaster, and you are needy.
Starting any kind of relationship under such circumstances is risky. It’s too easy to confuse intensity with intimacy during such times. It’s also lame allowing an affair rather than face your own fears and what you really need.
These dynamics also occur with an alarming frequency in families where one of the children is facing a life threatening or life disabling illness. The strain of facing such a condition wreaks havoc on marriages.
Couples with children that have long-term or life threatening illnesses are at high risk for affairs. The emotional strain of such relationships is crushing. The strain of providing care makes them vulnerable to being caught up in an affair.
While you are emotionally raw, there are some who take advantage of such circumstances. I often refer to such types as ‘exploiters’.
Although it’s unpleasant dealing with the reality of the life threatening illness with your spouse, that is where your attentions need to be. Rather than allow yourself to be distracted by an affair, you need your spouse and they need you, especially during this time.
If you need a place for sharing your struggles, consider the support community at Restored Lifestyle. Whether you were betrayed, did the betraying or are struggling with the temptation for cheating, this is a place for sharing and healing.
Best Regards,
Jeff
2 Responses
The greatest thing that is life ‘threatening ‘ is to the spouse who commits ADULTERY ,…if not in this world…by way of a crazed betrayed spouse….maybe by someone who cares for the woman being used….either way …eternal life is definitely at risk…
One of my favorite stories I think of Focus on the Family is of the man whose wife was injured and became a paraplegic shortly after their honeymoon …He spent the next 50 years loving her faithfully caring for her every need. When she died some people felt he would have been relieved of all that back breaking work…He was deeply grieved …and said he missed her and did not regret a moment of his life with her …HE cherished her….
It makes me cry to think of such a valiant man ….what a great story!
Zaza,
That story is definitely inspiring. It flies in the face of modern ideas about what it takes to make a good healthy marriage.