As you know, pain is not an enjoyable experience. The unpleasantness of pain often makes it difficult to focus on other issues. That same difficulty you experience in trying to focus is also one of the benefits of pain. Pain forces you to change perspective. When you are in pain, you have to change the way that you do things and look at what is going on around you. By changing perspectives, you often begin seeing solutions to problems and ways of dealing with the dilemmas of your life. You begin looking for solutions rather than who or what is to blame for causing the pain. Some of you may be determined enough to persist in looking for who to blame. In the event that you find the person, or thing to blame, the next step is finding some way to deal with it. So even when you know who or what to blame, it does not get you out of the pain. Knowing the target to blame does not change the situation. It gives you an emotional voodoo doll to stick your pins of pain into, but does not solve anything.
Rather than fight the pain, use it to consider new options. Use it to change your perspective. Pain is also a reminder that you are still alive, and still have sensations. It is also a call to address some issue. Typically pain is the body’s way of telling you something. Blocking it out or ignoring it often has disastrous consequences.
Pain changes your emotions, it changes your body, it changes you. The chemicals released into your body when you are in pain changes you. It changes how you think and how you respond to the world around you. Although it is meant to change your perspective, you still have free will in choosing to change or choosing to remain the same and blame.
Best Regards,
Jeff Murrah
7 Responses
This was a wise post. It is true painful emotional consequences to the betrayed are not something we want to endure over a lengthy time . I have found my search for WHY and what was the prior conditions of mind that led to my husband’s adultery important for me .. to try to learn why he came to the conclusion that it was his only option …
The things I have been learning are much the same situation that was his attitude from the time of his departure from the faith that would have protected his love for God and for me , an active , personal interaction with the lord …not a faith built by a community but by his own personal intentional effort and ongoing consistant fellowship found within the word with he who IS the Word.
It seems to me that his choices have left him at the same point …all of the years of choosing to seek sinful living interrupted the option to grow and mature.
His attitude is very much the same …but slowly as the options for fun and distraction diminish he is not just sorrowful of is past but perhaps will turn to ‘try’ to pay attention to the faith he once had the opportunity to grow not only in knowledge but in virtue that would have strengthened HIM and thus OUR relationship and protected our whole family …as well as the OW that he found here and there that MIGHT have benefited if he viewed them as those in his path that he might have warned of their poor and dangerous choices to make themselves available to men in such a random and useless way .
What do I do with MY pain from this? You are correct that we cannot move forward with our own growth blaming ..however the tendency I have had in that every ‘red flag ‘ which should have been my wake up ..I viewed as a point where I needed to examine myself ..taking the ‘blame’ for my own reactions to his various distancing and his ‘need’ to recreate without me …all kinds of perspectives that I learned from living with a mom who did the same for her husband …she ‘gave’ him all the time to play that he wanted …’because he worked hard and needed to relax….’ So he too distanced himself from family interactions
Thus …I accepted this absence as ‘normal’…when my husband’s friendships and admiration of women he worked with caused me pain …I attributed it to ME and ‘jealousy’ so I worked on that …even as I warned him that the women might be perceiving his attention as more than he said he intended. While I heard very little words of appreciation and interest in my live as his wife.
I kept blaming or taking the blame for my own feelings while he did pretty much as he pleased. I felt guilty for not working and contributing to the household expenses as I became devoted to supporting HIS career and his needs …doing what I thought was my part ..stewarding the funds….teaching our children ..all good but doing it alone since he had such and ‘important ‘ and ‘demanding ‘ responsibility at work …
THEN when I discovered his adultery …and counted the losses over the many years since he repeatedly found his emotional and romantic and then sexual pleasures with other women …I had PAIN that I realized what NOT unjustified…and NOT unbiblical ..and that I took a LOT of the ‘ blame ‘ and ‘responsibility’ for feelings that HE was responsible for !
Yes….the ones hurt by an unfaithful spouse at some point need to turn and attend to find a way to deal with this …and to heal …even as the CS has not …may not …and will not help …
It is reality that they may have practiced lying , cheating and avoiding maturing which is what much of the state of marriage is useful for in those IN the marriage….that they do not have the skills or the attitude to enter into the process of healing or reconcilation with the betrayed spouse .
This is where possibly a counselor may help …but there are many issues in finding out How to trust a counselor as I have read and experienced that not every counselor is equipped , capable or familiar with dealing with those hurt by adultery …and you are aware of this too .
I have read so many books ,…listened to so many seminars…over the six years since D DAY …gone to marriage seminars…gone to a counselor….and with the confession of my husband having snuck around for two of the years where we were supposed to be working on our healing …it was clear as he moved from our bedroom that he had set a very low limit on his effort and his idea of how long and what it would take became a FAINT effort ….
I have shared my hurt with him …he is ‘sorry’ but not equipped to deal with anything painful …He has a lengthy practice of running from and keeping himself from facing what he does not feel is worth the effort …He has been hiding from what hurts in all areas of his life and medicating with exciting adventures….outings with friends….sexual and emotional relationship with a woman not his wife whose own idea of living life did not include marriage but it did include having children without a husband as long as the man she got them from had enough ego to support her choice ..enough pride to give her what was ‘needed ‘ for the kids…aka a house , a new car…and support from 1998 through 2021 or more.
This is a lot for me to deal with but I took the route to not ‘react’ as many have suggested I do but to seek answers …from my husband …but more IN study of how the Bible tells me to live ..to deal …to seek out the way I now must finish the course/
It is hard …it is lonely …it is pretty much become a single life with a man who has decided to stay because he ‘owes’ me and our daughters support …but his interaction is mimimal
His efforts are toward building up our finances which took a great HIT due to his ‘generousity” with the OW …and the market …
His other focus is the children of the OW since she is neglegent …and his interest in any kind of relationship with me is pretty thin to nil …even as he says he ‘hates’ the OW for what she allowed him to do ..as he takes his own responsiblity for the whole mess as well
The outcome thus far is his hopelessness since he will not allow that he CAN do anything more to engage with me …and does not ‘feel ‘ anything at all for anyone …or anything
He no longer has any of the ‘fun’ things in his life ..in short I think he is ‘punishing ” himself with deprivation even as his choices for his own life actually ‘punish ‘ me and by way of proximity …our two unmarried adult daughters
He does enjoy them …spends time with us at night …on weekends I have begun to watch and learn about football which is what he is doing …but we are a LONG way from recovery or what true reconcilation is .
He does not want sex ….says it is sex that got him in trouble …but truth is that it was his refusal to talk over issues that I was not afraid to approach but COULD NOT get him to discuss.
He came from a family where nothing ‘negative’ was spoken of …and nothing new or foreign was welcomed in terms of interests.
For a while our couple hood was on a good track as we shared our lives with other believers…his work only involved and older man focusing upon sports as a scout….when his mom became ill with incurable disease…and I was pregnant with our first child and he started a new career in a corporate company of national fame….things went down hill fast as he felt he had to choose to fit in with the ungodly attitudes of those he worked with …or his wife .
He said he enjoyed me as long as we were alone but did not want to intermingle with his outside friendships.
Thus ..he discarded his faith …me …our marriage and our growing family emotionally and socially and took off on the ladder of success with me being his ‘cheer leader’ as the various religious groups claimed was what a wife should do!
Yes ….I know I have to find a way to live my life in healthy ways …but as ONE FLESH which I truely believe is a lot more than shared interests but a reality of spiritual proportions rather disregarded in todays world …I suffer the cost of his sinful choices in every aspect of my life.
I do not BLAME HIM in terms of MY choice to marry the man who I tried to evaluate by way of the biblical calling for believers to marry believers and like minded fellowship …but he was not committed …it is as the parable of the sower/soils says …when the things of the world attract and persecution comes because of our faith …then it seems the depth of ones devotion and love for GOD is revealed.
I think we often underestimate the enemy of our souls and many do not believe there is any enemy at all …God ‘s word has been nulified by the ‘modern ‘ intellectual efforts of those who have natural carnal minds…God has much to say about how one’s attitude will effect one’s understanding of scripture ….unbelief rising up from the lust for self serving has blinded many a mind from truth.
The world has prevaled in many pulpets to the destruction of many …OUR personal recovery from the various forms of unfaithfulness I believe are just one other ‘fruit’ of apostasy from the truth of scripture …moved away by affection for the world …and all that it ‘offers’ …but the strings of bondage are attached along with all the ‘free’ offerings ..and we are seeing many caught in the snares of the darkest forms as many insist that SIN has become their ‘right’ …as Jesus called it INIQUITY …aka LAW LESS NESS.
And it is written when” iniquity abounds the love of many GROWS COLD”
This is the answer to ‘WHY ” such tragic incidence we see in the news of late.
Deu 27:18 Cursed [be] he that maketh the blind to wander out of the way. And all the people shall say, Amen.
Isa 55:7 Let the wicked forsake his way, and the unrighteous man his thoughts: and let him return unto the LORD, and he will have mercy upon him; and to our God, for he will abundantly pardon.
Pro 29:18 Where [there is] no vision, the people perish: but he that keepeth the law, happy [is] he.
Matt 24:11 And many false prophets shall rise, and shall deceive many.
12 And because iniquity shall abound, the love of many shall wax cold.
13 But he that shall endure unto the end, the same shall be saved.
Zaza,
Thank you for the encouragement. Pain is always a tough topic. It is made tougher by the fact that it has to be gone through and not around. Each person has to deal with it in their own way. No two struggles are exactly the same.
Our own pain is bad enough. When we take on pain that is not ours or take on responsibility for pains that do not belong to us, the burden is unbearable, as you know from experience. Paul Billheimer wrote a book (Don’t Waste Your Sorrows), which deals with the topic. It is not a book to read if you are not ready to face the pains. It is more about pain than it is about affairs, yet the lessons learned from pain are often needed.
Taking on pain that does not belong to you is an common issue. When there is personal hurt, you often have to deal with not being a hurt magnet for the pain of others.
To me, this post about the benefits of pain is an example that God truly does “work in mysterious ways.” I don’t believe most people, and especially those still in the blaming stage of recovery, are capable of grasping the concept you are writing about unless they have experienced it. Dealing with infidelity can be an incredible opportunity for personal growth for all involved if they are willing to actively seek to change their perspective.
There’s the rub, though. We have to do our part in the healing process if we are to reap the benefits. We have to actively choose to let go. We have to choose to give love unconditionally in order to receive it. What a beautifully simple concept.
blueskyabove,
Thank you for the kind words. God does work in ways that we do not always understand. Going through pain is not a pleasant prospect. Blaming is often one of the ways people deal with their pain initially. They are not ready or able to work through some issues at that point.
You have come a long way recognizing that God works in mysterious ways. Some of those who are hurting are still blaming God for the affair, or their pain or some other issue. When they are caught up in blaming or asking “Why?” they can not see the mysterious work. The infernal why question often keeps people bogged down in the past and unable to move forward.
I suppose that the existing pain COULD be said to be ‘of’ the past of my husbands adultery, rejection and various other ‘fruit’ his behavior….I still get up in the morning …get dressed , make the bed…put on my makeup …clean the house , shop , cook, and study the Word …exercise …interact with others…
Blame? Well there seems to always be some to go around ….and as you have commented all …that when you are suffering pain from someone’s poor treatment learning to deal with that and how much of it you are willing to allow it to disturb your life is a matter of how much you are going to take responsibility for what has transpired.
I see that if someone runs over me with a car or shoots me it is ME that must heal and go on with my life in the best way possible…blame and bitterness does not help with that nor change it …
I wonder however how I am supposed to change the impact that my husband who is my HUSBAND which is LOT different in my view than what many feel is the way marriage is …just two people who have a ceremony …live together…maybe spawn a few children and accept the idea of this being just another form of two people living life parellel …but no necessarily connected.
Marriage is a spiritual construct of the God who created it …made the guidelines not just for marriage but for life….but many today to not recognize this nor acknowledge it as the only way to be’ married’ …thus we have many versions of arrangements …and even in the coupling …it is no longer thought of as “ONE FLESH” but partnership …or roommates with benefits …not much different than boyfriend / girlfriend dynamic….and thus the transient commitment …vows or not mean little when someone “changes’ .
I do not know the percentages of those who believe this way but the outlook from what I have been reading and observing is not hopeful ..and it is especially sorrowful when the view is that the betrayed spouse is somehow ‘stunted ‘ because THEY have not ‘handled ‘ the trauma well ..and ‘gee’ …aren’t you ‘mature’ , ‘spiritual” enough . or “knowledgeable enough or ‘strong’ enough to take the hits and ‘rise above’ this ?
REALLY? this may not be the view here …but attitudes about the depth of hurt from adultery is somewhat diminished as the understanding of MARRIAGE and all of the facets and dynamics it involves are belittled or unknown …something which I feel that the culture has grown more and more ignorant and uncaring of since divorce became less and less a shameful thing ..and various ‘forms’ of relationships began to be defined as ‘the same as ‘ marriage !
The scriptures point out the truth that when” lawlessness abounds the love of many grows cold’…perhaps that is how people have had to deal with the way the culture has been sliding into protection of the SELF at all costs as some have demonstrated that the love they have at home is nothing different than the ‘love’ they can get anywhere at anytime …
This may work for the young , the sexy , and the immoral …but to me and many others marriage is SACRED …and the wounds are not just the ones of emotion and other temporal aspects of this relationship which was designed to be sacred….spiritual and involves bonds that are not easily ‘healed’ by even INTENTIONAL effort….some wounds to the soul are a great deal more difficult to deal with …not impossible but …the way I see it …despite the way I wish it were not true….If you cannot be hurt from adultery to the depth …then that sort of indicates just how deeply you have given of yourself to loving that person …and just how much that marrriage vow has meant to you .
The depth of harm to the lives of children and even parents and friends has also been disregarded for the sake of being ‘reasonable’ and ‘healthy ‘ in this societies eyes.
Better to be able to ‘bounce back’ and get back in the ‘game’ than to ‘allow’ your pain to hold you back …
Life was not meant to be lived with this kind of violation …for centuries adultery has been equated with such crimes >>>>CRIMES ….as murder….treason …and other crimes that damage EVERYONE they touch.
Not until recent times has it been considered something SOME people are DUE simply because they CAN ….
The entitlement to sin has it’s cost…and whether our society and world is concerned about it …it WILL become one of the things that brings down the cultural we enjoy even as this promiscuous attitude has been corroding the society that ONCE was considered ‘safer’ and more productive.
Perhaps good character and good morals are NOT such a bad ‘norm” …but it is a lot easier to destroy something that took years to build ..than to build something that has been years in the making ….to the strong culture of moral people who recognize the building blocks of character’s benefit to a strong and moral society.
Psa 2:1 ¶ Why do the heathen rage, and the people imagine a vain thing?
Psa 2:2 The kings of the earth set themselves, and the rulers take counsel together, against the LORD, and against his anointed, [saying],
Psa 2:3 Let us break their bands asunder, and cast away their cords from us.
Psa 2:4 He that sitteth in the heavens shall laugh: the Lord shall have them in derision.
I will continue my life healing …it is imperative …but the pain is the kind that takes more than time to deal with and certainly more than deciding that it is ‘past’ because as ONE flesh …in truth …I remain bound to the loving I invested in my marriage and my husband and it remains a part of my whole life despite the way many seem to think it is something to ‘get over’ ….maybe that is one reason God has said that once bound in marriage to the spouse …only death frees one to marry again ..and maybe not even that…
In one testimony of scripture it is recorded…
Sgs 8:7 Many waters cannot quench love, neither can the floods drown it:
if [a] man would give all the substance of his house for love, it would utterly be contemned.
Perhaps today’s society is too cynical to believe this …perhaps they only know LUST and not love …perhaps loyalty to one person is a fading trait among today’s many employment enterprises….and relationships….
When one passes through a life…another is on the horizon …so how can anyone be ‘asked ‘ to be faithful!
Just because it is RARE it seems does not make it undesirable…and one of the saddest things is that my husband realizes that without MY loyalty he might have never been ABLE to have had the life he had …
It was the trust he had in me that kept him secure that he was loved …admired…and had a good solid image of a moral life with a godly wife commuted to both God and marriage that he viewed as his ‘good ‘ image …no one would guess….and …a woman waiting at home …for those times he had a ‘dry spell’ in his calendar….
Without the faithful and loyal and moral …WHERE would our world be? We may be about to observe…It is a fearful thing to see people care so little about loyalty …to adult relationships …and now to children …the statistics are grim ..
When a person does not feel anyone or anything is worth their loyalty it is indeed a very scary world to behold..and when a society seems to accepted this as the ‘new ‘ ‘normal ‘ it is frightful to imagine the future.
I don’t see any way for anyone to have a true depth of loyalty to anyone while they fear to open up to another with the ‘risk’ of a lifetime commitment..
Perhaps that is ‘just me’ ….
And in reference to something I was reading recently …I do not believe that there is going to be any such things as the ‘greater good’ when it is built upon the broken promises and broken lives of people who have had the tenacity to live their lives in fidelity , loyalty and with a high moral standard.
Our world has become colder to those who have this ‘ideal’ as the Biblical source of it has been accosted in trade for other ‘esoteric’ practices that elevate the individual to the place of ‘god’ to the degree that they are above anyone they can USE for their own agenda.
In the long run “the end justifies the means’ only “benefits” those who are willing to abuse the trust of those who imagine all others as having the same good intentions and good conscience to do the godly thing.
ro 18:3 When the wicked cometh, [then] cometh also contempt, and with ignominy reproach.
I do not ‘glory ‘ in the pain that my husband’s lying , cheating and stealing adultery has caused….I grieve not just for me …but for all ..because if it is not greived …especially by those who commited such evil ..HOW then will they rejoice in the forgiveness of GOD and me ..if they have not grieved it in depth from truely considering how evil it was?
Forgiveness comes AFTER a recognition of the depth of the wrong committed ….when a person has really examined and realized the depth of his sin then and then only will he APPRECIATE the forgiveness and mercy of GOD ….any other kind of ‘sorrow” is worthless even if the life is ‘changed’ by going through the motions …the heart remains wounded in the person who commited the sin without such examination and recognition .
If a person commits a ‘small’ act of lawlessness …such as a child lies…but he is reproved ..and he becomes deeply aware of the cost of it….he sorrows…perhaps may fear the just recompense but then learning he has been relieved of paying the cost though he KNOWS he should …he is then all the happier.
So it is …this adulterer….who shuns examining his behavior and what is the usual or called for penalty is not likely to appreciate being ‘let off the hook’ or even ‘forgiven’
Just a few of my observations and thoughts.
Hbr 12:11 Now no chastening for the present seemeth to be joyous, but grievous: nevertheless afterward it yieldeth the peaceable fruit of righteousness unto them which are exercised thereby.
But how do people who ‘get away ‘ with their sinful behavior show their thankfulness?
Eze 8:12 Then said he unto me, Son of man, hast thou seen what the ancients of the house of Israel do in the dark, every man in the chambers of his imagery? for they say, The LORD SEETH US NOT ; the LORD hath forsaken the earth.
When we are convinced that what we do behind closed doors is NOT KNOWN this is a deception ….God sees into the heart of a person …how come people do not realize that HE is present EVERYWHERE …takes an interest in what we think and do …because he LOVES us and wants to protect us through his wisdom …to warn us …to KEEP us from making stupid and destructive choices!
Those who decide to commit sin purposefully become BLIND and deaf to the words of LIFE..So many are led to believe their choices harm no one!
.Pro 30:20 Such [is] the way of an adulterous woman; she eateth, and wipeth her mouth, and saith, I have done no wickedness..
Zaza,
It will take me several days to sort through the many truths and issues that you shared. You make many important points, which are not always given the attention they need. I wish your husband could understand what he has wrought and see your full potential along with how it would improve ya’lls marriage.
Many in society have lost sight of how marriage is a ‘spiritual institution’. It is as if they have wanted to strip the spiritual aspects away from the institution of marriage. For many marriage has become nothing more than having the civil authorities permission to co-habitate. Those people do not understand that it is much more than that.
In many segments of society, the moral fiber is changing. When God connected adultery with criminal behaviors and idolatry as he did in Hosea, they were not random connections. I have yet to sort it out, yet there is some kind of continuum of idolatry, lies, crime, adultery, stealing, and more. I have yet to sort out which comes first and what the sequence is. What I can tell you is that there is often a an interconnected syndrome with these issues. I use the term syndrome, since there is an overlap of them and interconnectedness of them.
You are also totally correct in your observations of how under the guise of ‘being reasonable‘, there has been great mischief done. Many modern cheaters use the term ‘reasonable’ as a way to justify their actions. They use ‘human’ reasoning, rather than God’s reasoning, which leads them to the wrong conclusions 100% of the time. When they ask you to be reasonable, they often want you to give up your high standards or expectations of them.
Struggling with pain also does not mean that one is less spiritual or somehow weaker than others. I see little connection between spirituality and pain. Pain happens to the very spiritual and those who are not spiritual. The main difference is that the spiritual often have more resources to deal with and move past the pain than those who are not spiritual. Pain brings to our awareness some area of our life where things are not right. It may not have been caused by the person experiencing the pain at all. With a marriage, the two become one and there are times when one spouse ‘feels’ the pain that was caused by the other one. The pain is supposed to alert the other spouse to change what they are doing.
You are full of insights and understanding. Your husband is missing out by trying to be reasonable rather than doing what is right in God’s eyes.
Thank you for responding to my posts . It feels so important as part of the healing process to have someone whose ego is not involved to speak what is on my mind and not get some sort of agenda filled response to what I have shared.
It is helpful to have the perspective not just of reflecting back WHAT I have said but some additional insights that may come from your own experience, knowledge and training.
I have found that where a sight allows those hurt and harmed by adultery to have a free voice it is helpful and healing in many ways….it CAN also seem to turn into a pity party ‘ however many have been dealing with abusive neglect for a very long time and trying to examine themSELVES as to what THEY are doing that seems to cause it !
To discover that the spouse has been violating the marriage and their spouse is one of the things that changes one’s view of the reality being whose ‘fault’
Throughout OUR marriage I was not unaware of many issues and brought them up in as good a method as I could….being careful of the timing …the state of my husband …such as not going to him with anything when he just arrived home from work …not interrupting him while he was at work…but the opportunities to approach him were very few…since he also had many things going on on weekends and evenings….
So dealing with any issues became not only difficult to have a discussion about ..he simply used his aspects of his work life to avoid having to deal with them…then he made his own ‘arrangement’s to deal with his needs…I feel that HE CREATED his needs…
BTW despite the way many teach about sex…it is not a ‘need’ per-say in terms of dying if you don;t have it ..like food , water , shelter …etc.
It IS a ‘need ‘ in marriage to continue growing and developing closeness and bonding but it is to GROW out of relationship that honors the other person….not to expect the PERFORMANCE despite the absence of relationship !
As for which came first idolatry or infidelity ,..I personally believe that the devotion to the Lord..even in the garden was to be first ..and when man decided that he no longer was in need of regarding GOD has his LORD then he slide into infidelity …the mind after all has been the area GOD has sent forth his WORD to deal with our inclinations…
Believing in a devil or not may have something to do with man believing that anything he thinks is non consequential …but if the record in Genesis is anything to regard as truth …it was the MIND of the person ..Eve that was approached to wonder if ‘GOD SAID” what Adam had conveyed to her or could SHE be the determiner of what was ‘good ‘ or ‘evil’ on her own.
This discarding of GOD is foundational to the way people then believe they are independently able to determine ‘good ‘ and ‘evil ‘ on their own ..THIS disallows for any other intrusion into the mental processes…aka the spiritual opposition of GOD …
From my considering this aspect of our Bibles …I have been confronted lately by those who once claimed to respect the scriptures who now regard them as some kind of ‘manipulative texts’ fabricated along with fabricating of Jesus to serve the papal and Roman world wide conspirators ‘ etc…,,it is ANOTHER attempt to try to live without any GOD who sets the rules
This I find interesting and totally a testimony to the deceitfulness of man who desires to make his own rules aka situation ethics….or post modernism abounding among some today who rejoice in the idea that there is no truth absolute…
I find it interesting that those who wish to remove GOD and Jesus Christ claim that it is those who claim Christ that are responsible for the murder and mayhem down through the ages…! THOSE who come against Christ and the Bible very often are the most radically vicious …
I think it is difficult to believe that they are all so shallow in their knowledge of the scriptures that they have decided that those who imposed the inquisition upon humanity in the name of Christ were truly FOLLOWERS of Jesus Christ
HE never advocated such violence!~ But many among those who oppose him and the Bible are prone to violence and disregard for others …particularly those who follow Jesus Christ in their behavior and effort to follow after him
THE scriptures exhort us to ‘put on the mind of Christ’ …it is through thinking and endeavoring to HEED HIS WORDS that a person is armed against going away from Him …thus idolatry ..to commit adultery one must place onesSELF above the authority of GOD …his words…which HE has said ARE HIS spirit…himself representing HIMSELF to us in our minds.
When we act upon his words. .we are protected from being further deceived from within and from WITHOUT>>>>Thus if we LOVE HIm we will KEEP HIS WORDS/commands.
Many who are offended by Genesis wonder why ‘God did not stop the activity in the garden’
I see that GOD created the environment for his intended pinnacle of creation… man ..who was created in GOD’S IMAGE….before man was created however there appears to have been a disruption in the cosmos…
The possibility of one of the angels who desired to take the crown of GOD and convinced a few of his fellows to join him ,..then being tossed out in the conflict that followed his plan to overthrow necessitated the putting back in ORDER the creation begun …
The MAN in God’;s image was given the jurisdiction of the earth …GOD was present to advise and consult but as GOD does not overstep his own jurisdiction and just setting up of order ..HE awaits man to CHOOSE to do what is advised.
THis one command to man to not ‘eat’ of the ‘tree of knowledge of good and evil’ was not restrictive …but protective ..GOD was aware of the fall of the rebellious angels who landed upon the earth ..disrupted it and were roaming around ,….seeking a ‘place’ to set up a ‘command post ‘ of sorts…
Spirits need a ‘wet place’ to work from …an animal ..but what a COO to gain entrance to the mind of a MAN …
The one thing we learn in scripture is that the Devil cannot overstep the boundaries set by GOD until or unless the MAN by his operating his FREE WILL …makes a choice to step outside of the boundaries…
In this case the woman was compelled by DECEPTION to think about what GOD had said …and she was not prsent at the time that GOD warned ADAM of this situation …
God did not tell Adam he had an enemy that would try to deceive him …GOD gave Adam a command BEFORE the event of the tree …it was to “SUBDUE the EARTH …and that would have included DEALING with any kind of predator or danger….aka the SERPENT.
While the serpent was busy appealing to Eve …getting her to consider God’s motives as possibly restrictive. .ADAM apparently stood by and did nothing to interrupt or stop this conversation ..
It occurs to me that MAYBE HE too wanted to ‘try’ that ‘fruit ‘ but did not want to be THE ONE to do so !
Perhaps he thought that GOD would ‘go easy “on Eve.
God did not DO anything TO them when they sinned…it was their own ‘transfer’ of the jurisdiction to the Serpent ..the ‘father of lies’ that brought about the destruction …if GOD did anything as is recorded he told them what consequences they could expect from ignoring his warning …aka ‘commandments’ and He then demonstrated HIS care for them by clothing them ..with skins…thus a pre image of what Christ would provide …eventually
My point here is that when people feel that the WORD or commands of GOD are restrictive and somehow ‘mean’ it demonstrates that they have not had an honest view of what actually is the motive of the WORD of GOD .
The natural mind is NOT existing in a neutral world…it is moved to believe whatever appeals to the flesh ..the carnal desires ..and thus without the word. ..idolatry or love for self and flesh is going to be used to move people to try to gain for their appetite whatever suits them or they are convinced suits them at the time .
Without love and respect for GOD to the end that we seek to learn what HE is really like…by listening to his testimony and believing in his goodness…people begin to be persuaded that anything they want or feel is worthy to be followed…and many make justifications for it
God will not overstep his own rules…He will however work on behalf in those who desire to love him …honor him….and allow HIS WORD to work in them …and prove to them all that he will teach
Gotta go to dinner now….but thanks for listening ..and comments you made were very helpful to my heart….
I wrote this quickly …hope it said what I intended !