The idea of doing an intervention with the cheater may have crossed your mind. Interventions are not for the faint of heart, the timid or if you are one of those who crumbles at the thought of hurting someone else.
Interventions are also not all the same, so you’ll need to be clear about what your plan is and what you hope to accomplish. You need a sense of mission. There’s a reason Scripture points out “Where there is no vision, the people perish:”
Being clear on your mission or vision is critical.
Real interventions don’t happen the way that they do on television shows. If you plan on following a television show script, you have some learning to do.
Interventions force the cheater to face the issues. When you force anyone to face ‘truth’ which they don’t want to face, there will be reactions. The stronger the intervention, the stronger the reaction.
Even setting up the intervention is eye-opening for many of you. Although many family members disapprove of affairs, it is surprising how few will be willing to confront the cheater about things.
-Interventions also work best if the family members and friends have good relationships with the cheater. If the family bonds are not strong or are dysfunctional, the impact of the intervention will be lessened. The power of the intervention lies in the relationship bonds that have been formed.
-Interventions are not an open invitation to dump or attack the cheater. They are to confront the cheater on how their actions are impacting them.
This does not mean, that it is ‘pile on the cheater’ day or the time to compile “10 things I don’t like about you” lists. Sharing how the cheater’s actions is very different than judging their actions.
If you don’t know the difference between sharing and judging, you’re not ready for an intervention.
-Interventions are designed to ‘wake’ the person up. The cheater may or may not react in the way you hope. In most cases, they won’t. Your goal is to wake them up, NOT to make them love you again.
It is designed to alert them to how their actions are impacting you and other family members You’ll be disappointed if your goal is “having them immediately return to who they were” or “fall madly back in love with you.”
If you’re disappointed that the cheater didn’t rush back into your arms, then you need to change your idea of an intervention.
Since you are dealing with people, things will not go the way you planned. People are not machines that execute behavior on command. You can not ‘program’ them and push their buttons in a pre-determined sequence to make them do things.
They are people. That means that you need to have realistic goals with interventions in terms of what they are and what they are to accomplish.
These are a few of my thoughts regarding interventions and the common problems with them. I have not laid out the how to, since there are so many personal variations of doing ‘interventions’.
Each situation often calls for some unique angle that needs to be taken.
If you’ve done an intervention and still struggle, you’ll want the video “Preventing Affair Relapse“. The video guides you through topics such as triggers, high risk situations and ways of handling those.
Best Regards,
Jeff
