When news of the affair comes out, you often find yourself in a mad scramble to find out ‘who’ is to blame for what happened. You are experiencing a flood of emotions. They are intense and powerful. At times, your emotions may even overwhelm your thinking. When the anger kicks in you may find yourself wanting to unleash it on someone or in some cases, everyone. Your search for who is to blame takes in everyone, including God and yourself. You may even find yourself rotating the target of your blame.
Although it would offer some satisfaction to have all the blame be on one person, in most cases, the affair presents as a ‘perfect storm’ of many people, ideas, values, and unmet needs coming together in a wild vortex of swirling chaos. There were many small things that all contributed to the affair and its aftermath. In many cases, the aftermath and cover-up often do more damage than the affair itself. The affair was not a good thing, with the cover-up and aftermath often making a bad situation even worse.
Going through the blaming is part of being human. You may want to take the moral high ground and use your mind to avoid the blaming. You may even say “I don’t care” and avoid the blaming with aloofness. The reality is that you can not cheat the phases of dealing with the affair. You will have to go through the blaming. When going through the blaming, you may not find what you are looking for, or you may find things you never imagined. In going through the blaming, you heart and mind go through a transformation. That transformation is part of the healing process.
Best Regards,
Jeff Murrah
