The myth of the “good affair” comes in several versions. One is the swinger version. In this version of the myth, everything is acceptable if you do it for ‘good sex’. In the case of swingers, it does not matter that you broke your marriage vows, that you develop attachments to other people, or that you expose yourself to disease and heartache if you do it all for the sake of ‘good sex’. This myth is similar to the worship of ancient sex deities whose worship included orgies and sexual rites. The modern swinger continues the old sex god practices. For swingers, it is perfectly acceptable to sacrifice marriage for sex.
Another version of the ‘good affair’ are the serial swingers. These people often do not see themselves as swingers, yet go from partner to partner, using marriage as a cover. They may even include religious ideas, claiming that divorcing was acceptable, since their spouse was not a ‘true believer’. For them, the affair is part of the courting process. They have an affair as part of the transition from one marriage to another. In order to make their conscience feel better, they often justify their dumping and humping as ‘God’s Will’. When you question them about it further, ‘God’s will’ often consist of who they are cohabitating with at the moment. In their situation, “God’s Will” consists of following members of the opposite sex, looking for greener pastures and better deals. Like their swinger cousins, they also give into their hedonistic passions, yet since they only have one person at a time, they view that as more acceptable than swingers who have more than one at a time.
There are also cheaters who demonize their spouse. By making their spouse a spawn of Satan, they justify having an affair, since anything is better than living with the devil. In such cases, they view the affair as a ‘good’ thing, since their spouse is so bad/evil/selfish/perverted/(fill in the adjective of your choice). This one gets dicey, since there are some spouses who are evil and may be threatening your life or the lives of your children. When your safety is in peril, it is a legitimate concern. In such cases, you want to leave for your own safety, rather than for the payoff of self-indulgence. When you are exaggerating the ‘badness’ solely in order to have an affair with someone who is considered better, then you are falling for the myth of the good affair.
There are other variants of the ‘good affair’. Each has its own form of deception, leaving damaged lives and broken marriages in their aftermath. Whether it be wanting to have a ‘good time’ or finding Mr/Mrs Right or some other excuse, the myth of the good affair is just that, a myth.
Best Regards,
Jeff Murrah
