Years ago when I heard stories of husbands who either forced or manipulated their wives into sleeping with other men. In my naivety, I initially thought such stories were wild fantasies.
When I finally dealt with such a couple, it was quite a shock. The wife was devastated by what happened.
Although the husband bragged about what happened, the wife was in shambles over the event. As time went on, I encountered this same story again from other couples with the same tragic outcomes.
There were some variations where the husband seduced his wife into swinging or homemade porn, but the emotional destruction that came in the aftermath was the same. The wife feels used up and shamed by what happened. They also felt trapped by the choices their husband forced on them.
They loved their husbands and wanted to please them. Initially, it was about having some fun and trying something new. They did not realize that when you bring other parties into the marriage, it becomes an affair, no matter how it is packaged.
In such situations, it’s as if they use the ‘other man’ to bring new life to a deadened part of themselves. The scenario may turn them on, yet in doing so, they have ‘killed off’ their role as husband and your marriage being a special relationship.
I’ve also encountered where the husband allows his wife to sleep with another man as a way of paying off debts. In those cases, she becomes a commodity. He may view it as payment, yet the dynamics it creates amounts to prostitution.
Since it is an affair, it brings the consequences of an affair with it. Cheating always brings consequences into your life, no matter how you dress it up. A pig, with lipstick and cologne is still a pig.
An affair encased in jewels and doused in Chanel #5 is still an affair. Affairs have way of tearing your soul in pieces. It has a way of shattering your self-image and making you feel dirty in a way that you can never wash away.
So what do you do when your husband wants you to sleep with another man?
In such cases, you have to risk refusing to do what you consider “wrong”. It may be fun for him initially, but he’s looking at the initial thrill. He’s not considering the consequences that you and he will have to face.
He has not looked at how it will end. He is only titillated by the trailer of the coming events rather than how shattered it will leave him and you, and the destruction it will bring to your marriage.
You will have to refuse to do what is wrong. Sleeping with another person than your spouse will end up hurting you and your marriage. The guilt will be greater than any thrill you experience. Telling your husband no and refusing to do what is wrong is your best option.
Best Regards,
Jeff
