When a caregiver crosses the line and has an affair, there are many problems. Although caregivers are supposed to respect boundaries, there are times that boundary lines blur.
The blurring may be at the initiation of the cheater or the caregiver. Regardless of who started the affair, once the boundaries are blurred, the affair turns ugly.
Caregivers are depended on to provide services, whether it be home health, being a healthy care worker, being a nanny, being a nurse, being a doctor or even a dental hygienist. The caregiver, by the nature of their vocation are caring for others.
Being in a caregiver position, they’re admired. That admiration, especially in times of need can be exploited. When boundaries are crossed, the likelihood of exploitation increases.
Not only is there a risk for the person being cared for, it could also be a family member that crosses the line and has an affair with the caregiver. When a family member has an affair with the caregiver, there are some twisted dynamics.
Both the caregiver and the cheater can claim to ‘want the best’ for the person being cared for. This common shared desire can become the basis for an affair. They both want the best for the person being cared for, and what starts as wanting good care expands to wanting good sex.
When people are caregivers, their wish to take care of others is often fantasized about and exploited. It is no wonder that nurses, doctors, dental assistants, french maids and nannies are often the subject of sexual fantasies. The power relationship of caregiver and person being cared is often ‘sexualized’ and taken out of context.
What caring for someone means takes on new definitions. These distortions begin with the use of double-ententes which are twisted into situations which were never intended.
People are vulnerable to caregivers and the services they provide. That dependency is natural. When people need a caregiver, they are admitting they can not do everything themselves.
Being in a needy position makes a person vulnerable to being exploited. Caregivers need to be aware of these vulnerabilities, along with family members. When the intensity of caregiving is high, the risk of exploitation increases as well.
Caring for a special needs child or family member with dementia are some examples. The family needs intensive help.
When families need that kind of help, it’s likely that the family has put emotional needs on the back burner or neglected them due to the situation. Unmet needs in the family leave family members vulnerable to affairs.
Caregivers entering such situations where they are providing care to a family member in an environment where other emotional needs of family members have been ‘put on the shelf’ for a while are walking into a powder keg of emotions.
In such situations, it seems like every action and communication has multiple meanings. They often do. Caring for the hurting person turns into caring for the family and meeting needs on many levels.
For that reason, boundaries need to be made clear and respected, by the caregiver and the family members. When boundaries are respected, the risk of affairs, be they emotional or physical are reduced. When boundaries aren’t respected the risk for affairs of both kinds is high.
If you are caught up in one of these caregiver affairs, you can know what to do. In the downloadable “Affair Recovery Workshop“, you’ll be guided in handling boundaries. You’ll also learn ways of discussing the affair and moving past it.
You can get your relationships healthy again. With some help, you can overcome what happened.
Best Regards,
Jeff
