One of the weird commercials from the time I grew up was the one for tootsie pops. In the commercial, the question was asked concerning how many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop.

During the commercial, the main figure, which was an owl, started licking his tootsie pop and then took a huge bite out of it. The commercial voice then let us know that we may never know how many licks it takes to get to the center of a tootsie pop.

In a similar manner, one of the questions that betrayed spouses ask is “How long does  a marriage last after infidelity?” On considering this question, I recall the owl in the tootsie pop commercial.

Instead of counting licks, when it comes to marriage you count years or decades together. Although you want a definitive number along with an inferred promise that it will last, this is not answerable in that way.

The simple answer to how long a marriage lasts after an affair is “however long the couple decide to remain together”. As long as your approach to marriage is one of ‘until we get tired of each other’, the length of your marriage will be contingent on your emotional environment.

If, on the other hand, you promised  ‘until death do us part’ and mean it, then the time frame is greatly expanded. This means that the other answer is that the length of your marriage depends on the strength of the promise that you made to each other.

You could look at affair recovery statistics, but like all statistics, they only give you numbers without meaning. Those numbers don’t consider the strength of the promise that you made or your views of marriage.

They also don’t consider accidents, disabilities and diseases either, which are also factors left out of those studies. So, even the numbers are less precise than you may have hoped for.

The affair recovery specialists can’t promise something they have no control over. They can’t make you and your spouse work through things. They can help if the two of you want assistance, but their magic is limited to both of you wanting healing.

If you want ways of working through the rough spots and recovering from the affair, I can help you with that. You can learn techniques and hacks that move you past the walls and barriers that have been proven with other couples.

Results are limited to what you and your spouse are willing to do in making your marriage work. If you do want some additional help, I’ve had some openings in my schedule for new clients and consultations. If you are interested, email me at Jeff@RestoreTheFamily.com for more information or to schedule a time to get started.

Keeping It Real,

Jeff

 

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