When a cheater tells me that “God hasn’t told me to stop!”, my jaw drops as I find myself astounded at what they just told me. In most cases, they are Biblically literate people whose knowledge is now being twisted into the service of their denial.
They know Scripture is very clear and plain about adultery and the warnings against it. They are not ignorant that what they are doing is wrong. Many pastors and ministers who have strayed find themselves dealing with issues like these.
In these cases, they will tell you that they want God to personally tell them to “Stop!”. By taking the position that God has not personally told them such a message, they continue in their self-destructive binge of adultery.
They may even go so far as to search out Scriptural justifications for what they are doing. When they go renegade like this, you may find yourself asking “where is the man/woman I married?” since what they are doing is so opposite from what you are accustomed to.
Since they know Scripture, they begin using it to justify their cheating rather than convicting them of their wrong doings. This can come in two forms.
The first is to find cases where adultery occurred in Scripture and was not immediately judged. They take those incidents and then exaggerate them to the point of approval. In doing so, their theology often becomes more extreme and on the fringes of accepted truths.
When this happens, there is often exaggeration on many other points of Scripture as well, since in order to not feel guilty about what they are doing, they have to exaggerate supportive passages and doctrines as well.
There are some cases where the cheater begins viewing themselves as the final authority on any interpretation of Scripture as they pick and choose what applies to them and what does not.
When they make themselves the sole authority, they are next to impossible to reason with. Any kind of appeal to authority is dismissed since “they” are the only one who is qualified to know the ‘real’ truth, especially when it comes to passages related to sexual activities.
The second way these cheaters justify their cheating is through exaggerating how you have treated them. They make themselves a martyr or victim. By claiming ‘victim’ status, they feel justified in any wrong they do.
They may blame you for the wrong that they are doing, claiming that “You made me do this!” By making what you did a major issue, they give themselves a “get out of guilt free card” that allows them to indulge in any sin they wish.
When they are in this way of thinking, they are so focused on the wrong done to them and their own self-pity, that they can not see straight. It is as if they are in a pit, where even if God did tell them to stop, they wouldn’t hear it since the noise in their own head about how badly they have been wronged drowns out everything else.
When you are faced with a spouse who uses Scripture to justify their affair, you will find yourself frustrated. At this point, they have a come back or answer for anything you try to tell them.
When you tell them that Scripture talks about only having one wife, they’ll twist it to mean “one wife at a time”. This twists verses promoting monogamy to now mean ‘no threesomes’.
The scary thing is that what they say sounds like Scripture, yet is so twisted and perverted, it is unrecognizable. When self-righteousness gets twisted up in affairs it creates a very ugly picture.
Best Regards,
Jeff
