Words are the tools used in speech. You can use them to make your message clearer or to hide what you are really saying. In the case of many cheaters, they have learned how to hide or disguise their true intentions in their communications.
I was reminded of how words were used in hiding things recently on considering the word ‘discreet‘. When swingers use the word discreet, on the surface it sounds like someone with discerning tastes and discerning in what is said to whom. A quick perusal of swinger sites reveals frequent use of ‘discreet’ along with assurances of discretion.
The reality is that when you hear the word discreet is that they are hiding what they are doing and don’t want to be found out. I have often found that when people have to do things in secret, they are usually up to no good. When those secrets involve sexual activity, they are definitely up to something that is morally suspect.
When hiding what you’re doing, it’s seldom a good sign. If the swingers were honest, they would say, “We are looking for people who can keep a secret. We have a secret club and we are only interested in those who know how to keep their mouths shut”.
Instead of saying “We are complete strangers who want to sleep with your wife” or “We want to watch you get drunk and make a sexual fool of yourself” or “We want to see you naked”, they say “we are discreet”.
Besides words that hide the true intent, another method of confusing communication is the use of ‘code’ words. These are special words or phrases that only those ‘in the know’ or ‘in the lifestyle’ are aware of.
Like secret handshakes, such code words are used in identifying who else in ‘in the know’ and setting up hook-ups with them. Some cheaters stumble into affairs and never develop this level of sophisticated lying. Others learn all the ins and outs of secret code words and underground networks.
Besides using ‘code’ words, there is the frequent use of phrases and terms with ‘double-meanings‘. When cheaters use this method, they are often attempting a seduction of their target, while maintaining some deniability of what is happening.
By using the double-meaning phrases, they appear to be innocent and harmless. The reality is that they are ‘on the prowl’ and actively attempting seduction.
Some cheaters have taken the double-meanings to new levels, learning how to include subliminal phrases that starts the seduction process on an unconscious level. What all this boils down to is that communication is occurring on multiple levels at any given time.
By appearing innocent on the conscious level, they can deny any lustful intentions, when confronted. If their victim picks up on the seduction signals, they can reciprocate and the whole conversation shifts gears to another level.
Talking with them is tricky. Since their communication is often multi-layered, it’s hard to know what the real communication is and which message is the real one.
So when you hear “discreet”, it should sound alarms in your head and have you asking if it means discreet or deceptive.
Best Regards,
Jeff Murrah
