When your conversation turns to talk about cycles and patterns, you are often dealing with an addiction of one sort or another. This is true even when it comes to cycles of affairs.
When the cheater keeps following a pattern in a cyclical manner it should tell you something.
Don’t expect mainline therapists, psychiatrists and counselors to talk with you about “Affair Addictions”. Many of them still don’t acknowledge sexual addictions.
When they don’t have a medication for the condition or it is not in their official DSM (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual), playbook, they often immediately assume that it is not a “real” addiction.
Although the mainline folks may avoid talking about the “Affair Addiction Cycle”, the addiction recovery community knows better. Those dealing with addictions know that many addictions exist, even when they are not in the DSM.
They know it’s about triggers, cravings and brain chemistry. They have known many of the lessons for years. It has only been in the past decade or so that brain scan machines have been proving what addiction specialists have known for a long time.
They know that addicts often swing from one extreme to the other. These extreme swings are another way that their lives are out of control. They go overboard on their indulgences and their coping style.
When this happens, do not be surprised that after a deep indulgence in extreme sex that they indulge in religious extremes.
To outsiders, these extremes do not make sense. To those caught up in the cycles, this is about balancing out their lives.
Those in addiction recovery know that the ‘real’ action is in the head of the addict. This applies to affairs, sex, extreme sex, anonymous sex, etc. Their acting out is often a reflection of what is happening in their own heads.
Coming to grips with these ‘cycles’ of extremes is one of the early realizations on the road to recovery. They wake up to the reality that their life is out of control. The going to extremes is part of that being out of control.
Addicts often take whatever they are doing to extremes. They may go from drugs to alcohol, to sex, to sports, to gambling, etc.
Addicts want action!
The playground they go to for action is only a matter of their ‘drug of choice’.
Knowing that they often go from one playground to another is another realization that you will be coming to grips with in recovery.
Just knowing how cheaters switch playgrounds, yet still have the same sickness is important to keep in mind. It means that even though they may be showing interest in a new hobby and no longer having affairs, it doesn’t mean they are well.
When they are going to extremes in the new hobby or interest, the sickness is still there. They’ve merely found a new playground to be sick in.
This is why I put together what you need to know about Affair Relapse in the video “Preventing Affair Relapse“. You’ll learn ways of dealing with triggers, high risk situations and more.
Best Regards,
Jeff
