Fix your hurt relationship by learning how to trust again.
The "Trust Formula" is a clearly defined process – and you can begin making immediate progress by understanding what trust really is and taking simple, easy steps toward it… together.
Well, at least the affair is over. But things still don't feel quite right, even if you both wish they did. It's a confusing, uncomfortable time and many couples don't know how to rebuild the trust they once shared… or even where to start.
Because trust may not be what you think it is – it's very common for people to confuse emotional security or stability with actual, real trust. I see this regularly in my practice.
So what's Step One?
- Do you just take a blind leap of faith, and start trusting them again?
- Do you need them to disclose every detail before you trust them again?
- Do you just hope that life goes on, and trust re-grows with it?
It's absolutely up to you, but the first step in restoring trust is always the same:
understanding and recognizing it.
You have to know what 'trust' actually is to rebuild it – and few people actually do. Even therapists and counselors! Driving across town once a week, expecting someone to help you (re)build something they don't fully understand is a great recipe for disappointment.
Friends, even therapists, often miss the trust mark.
It's easy to fall into a new, slightly more comfortable, pattern of stability. We want to replace our hurt and betrayal as quickly as possible; to move forward. As emotions become less raw, you feel like your relationship should be progressing… but somehow, it isn't.
Your routines give you security each day. Your friends and counselors usually think that's a sign of progress… but you still feel something missing at the end of the week.
That's because charging forward to build a new structure on a damaged foundation isn't restoring trust, even if others tell you (or it feels like)
the right thing to do.
Trust is the foundation of your marriage and family relationships. You need it to be strong and solid, because a weak foundation inevitable leads to weak relationships.
Counselors know this, but since they don't live with you they get an incomplete picture of your true situation. They do everything in their power to help you improve your relationship and feel better, but in going over the past week's events, it's too easy to lose sight of the most important goal: rebuilding the relationship's foundation.
Without trust, even everyday tasks can further
hurt your relationship.
You want to depend on your spouse. Whether with money, children, errands, or trips out of town, you need to feel safe. Without trust, these simple tasks – which might once have been fun for you – instead become grueling experiences to suffer through.
Broken trust turns spouses into control freaks. You feel like you have to follow-up, monitor and supervise.
Simply taking control is one of the most common
tactics people use to deal with their broken trust.
Consider how much you depend on trust in your relationship's everyday events. You can't be everywhere at once, and that can be a scary realization.
You may have even tried being the puppet master; controlling it all…
But control is not trust (and people aren't puppets).
You may have gone to a therapist or counselor looking for answers. Since many of us do not understand what trust really is, you may not have gotten solid answers that directly apply to your relationship's damaged foundation.
With purely good intentions, they may change patterns in how you and your spouse live. They will certainly tell you about changing and interrupting patterns of behavior. The implication is "changing your patterns will somehow improve trust."
Your dog may respond very well to pattern-conditioning - your spouse, not so much.
Training your spouse new behaviors is not the same as rebuilding shared trust, because real trust runs far deeper.
Your counselor may have you do some kind of woo-woo exercises; for example you'll fall and have your spouse catch you, or practice trusting them with other risks.
Such "leap of faith" exercises take you out of your comfort zone and into a whole new place with your spouse. The two of you have the enjoyment of sharing new experiences with each other, but that's still not really "trust".
So what is trust? Not “faith” (and blind leaps might lead you anywhere).
When your counselor believes trust to be a 'leap of faith', they assume you'll develop trust by jumping blindly (usually via one of those woo-woo exercises). These exercises deliver new shared experiences, but trust is not a blind leap or a momentary 'woo-woo' phenomena.
And it's not some esoteric mystery, either!
The Trust Formula is a simple recipe with solid ingredients and concrete steps.
The Trust Formula involves four specific components working together. Since you're rebuilding your relationship's foundation, it helps to think of it like a construction site: it's only possible to complete the structure if you collect all the materials you need.
- COMMUNICATION – learn to structure your words and body language in nonthreatening ways. I'll show you techniques you can use to avoid constant interruptions, insults, and other hurtful communication habits to enrich your interactions with your spouse, starting right now.
- HONESTY – you need to be able to express your true feelings in a loving, non-hurtful way. That's real honesty, the kind that isn't an excuse to be cruel or "win". You'll discover how to share your thoughts in ways that build up, instead of tearing down, your spouse.
- COMMITMENT – your relationship belongs to both of you, and both of you must express and demonstrate commitment to the rebuilding process, and to each other. The goal? Don't let your spouse feel one more second of anxiety over your words and actions – or their own.
- TIME – I can't tell you how much time you'll need; but I can promise you that forging your fresh, trusting future is not an overnight, set-and-forget thing. It's different for every couple and I wish I could be more specific – what I can show you is how to monitor your relationship's progress and stay on track every step of the way.
Want to improve your marriage, starting today?
Put real trust back in the picture.
Life gets so much smoother when you realize you no longer have to worry about keeping an eye on your spouse. You can come home and know that 'all is at peace'. Either of you can run errands without anxious paranoia; nobody's watching the clock.
You can finally move forward with your plans for the future again, feeling confident in your spouse's decisions – and your own.
You don't have to scour their credit card statements. You no longer have to spy or hire someone to spy on them. No more worries about surprise withdrawals from your bank account.
It's the end of second guessing yourself and your spouse. The bon-voyage party for the decision-regret you used to feel.
And the start of security without endless question. Welcome back, trust!
Your stress levels drop and it's like a cloud's been lifted – you can finally stop enduring daily life and start to enjoy living it again.
“How Can I Trust You Again?”
That's a fair question to ask a partner who has cheated. And the answer? The Trust Formula is the right way to remove hurt and build real trust again.
So what is "real trust"? While the Trust Formula always stays the same, the answer's different for different people, moods, and situations. What do you mean when you say it? What does your partner mean?
"How Can I Trust You Again?" is a very important question with an answer that can be complex. It's also the title of my latest video training program, designed to help hurting couples rebuild their once-solid foundations of trust.
As a marriage and family therapist, I've learned many lessons about trust in my studies and from my patients. I want to share them with you because I genuinely want you to have your trust back so you can enjoy your lives again.
You'll explore each aspect of the Trust Formula with specific plans, exercises, and strategies you can use to immediately improve your relationship and interactions.
No more guessing, wondering which ‘expert advice' to believe.
Instead, you'll know what trust is (for both of you), how it's formed and preserved, and what specific actions you can take to improve each part of the formula.
You'll learn to identify exactly what you need to fix,instead of blindly changing patterns or wasting time and money on woo-woo exercises at some stuffy office across town.
You'll discover the different types of trust, what they mean, and how you can strengthen them through guided communication & thought exercises for you and your spouse.
You'll learn to recognize and remove the hidden habits that keep you and your spouse from rebuilding your trust and enjoying your relationship.
Real trust requires total understanding
To build a solid foundation for your relationship, fully understanding trust is essential. That means asking questions – and discovering answers. Trust is important between you and your spouse, and you and your children. What happens in one relationship will always affect the other
- What does "real trust" mean for us, personally?
- Which comes first, trust or forgiveness – and why?
- Are challenges we're not even aware of holding us back?
- Is there any way to ensure we don't just fall back into old patterns?
- What simple changes can we make to immediately improve our relationship?
You'll find direct answers to these questions and many more in "How Can I Trust You Again?". We'll work together through guided lessons and interactive thought, trust, & communication exercises for you and/or your partner.
And if you act on what you learn, you'll both begin feeling better immediately.
You'll start rebuilding a trust you'll carry into the future with you forever.
The next few minutes will change the course of your life.
Because you're about to make a choice: will you act on your desire to improve the trust in your marriage, or will you choose to carry on as you have been and hope for the best?
Living with broken trust is difficult. It hurts every day. And couples often find themselves drifting further and further apart because choosing not to take the right actions allows problems to fester and worsen.
Everything you do now will either bring you closer or push you apart. If you love your partner and want life to be fun again, you need to focus on the right things…
Why Should You Listen To Me?
I am a licensed marriage and family therapist with over 30 years in practice, whose childhood home was torn by infidelity. I remember very clearly what it was like and I always will.
I suffered so much pain, all alone… I want to help you, so you don't.
And I want you to know that when I chose to become a counselor, money had nothing to do with it. It was all about helping families live happier lives together.
My priorities have not changed.
"How Can I Trust You Again?" is my complete collection of the most helpful, important, and commonly-requested information for couples recovering in the wake of an affair; who "aren't sure where to go from here"). You need this information.
And you should be able to access it any time, in the comfort & privacy of your own home.
I genuinely want to help you save your marriage. And while I know both time and geography prevent me from helping everyone individually, I want to help everyone I possibly can.
That's why I created this 90+ minute video training program for you.
Make your marriage stronger
and happier than ever.
Understand trust so you can restore it for real • All 4 Trust Formula ingredients involve concrete steps – simple communication and behavior adjustments you can make in an instant to help you restore your trust in each other.
Get back on the same page with your spouse • Each piece of the formula (or lack thereof) manifests itself in ways that might not be obvious – physically, emotionally, and mentally. Discover the blocks you didn't know came between you… and how to remove them painlessly.
Replace bad patterns with positive action • Learn to identify, anticipate, and mitigate problematic thinking patterns and obstacles that could potentially hurt your trust-building efforts – so your family can refocus on enjoying life together.
Stop the hurt from spreading • Affairs cause damage beyond partners. It's possible your spouse's cheating has impacted your ability to trust other people, too. You need to overcome this pain before it starts causing harm in your other relationships.
Protect your children • They won't forget this affair. How might it affect them now and as adults, and what steps can you take to help them cope effectively, today and in the future?
Rebuild your trusting, loving relationship
in convenience, comfort, and privacy.
All you need is a computer, tablet, or smartphone; as much or as little time as you'd like to commit today; and a pencil & paper for thought and communication exercises. Simply hit Play (or Pause) whenever it's convenient for you.
You will find this knowledge & guidance helpful.
You could easily spend $150 or more for a single session with a therapist (including myself).
It often takes couples at least four sessions for a counselor just to get up to speed on your stories (and for couples to finally get to a place where they can actually listen again). That's a lot of money, to say nothing of time and travel. And it's assuming you found a therapist who understands the Trust Formula.
The material in this video applies equally to every couple, and you'll make more progress here than you would in several therapy sessions. Personally, it would take me at least four to cover all the information you'll explore.
Most couples who seek post-affair counseling attend four or fewer sessions.
"How Can I Trust You Again?" provides all the benefits with none of the discomfort: no competing for your counselor's attention or fighting to take sides, zero travel time, and the best schedule possible – yours.
Like I said: I genuinely want to help you restore the trust in your marriage. I wish I had the time to help more couples in one-on-one counseling, but I don't.
The best way I can help as many families as possible is through my "How Can I Trust You Again?" video training program
The video package also includes the Trust Accountability Checklist and Trust Action Plan, powerful yet simple tools I developed over 30 years in practice to help you put this material into action – to start rebuilding trust in your marriage immediately. These are easily worth $240, but I'd like you to have them at no cost.
In an in-office setting, we'd explore the material from these tools together. This way, you can take positive guided action yourself.
A healthy, happy, trusting marriage pays dividends
far beyond any expense. It's priceless.
Between the equivalent of four or more therapy session, plus the support materials, you're looking at a value of at least $840 here.
But don't worry - there's no way I would charge you that much (not even 10%).
Today, you can get the complete "How Can I Trust You Again?" video training package for less than the cost of a single counseling session - just
And it's going to change the course of the
rest of your life for the better.
“I Feel Stronger Despite the Challenges Ahead...”
…I take enormous solace in your coaching and insights and have greatly appreciated your support. Thank you from the bottom of my heart!"
“You seem to know precisely what I'm going through…”
…I am blown away. Each time I take the next step in your system, you hit the nail on the head… it helps confirm for me that I am not crazy or delusional. I am so happy I found you."
“I No Longer Feel Powerless...”
…[It is so] comforting to have your handbook by my side through this intensely difficult time… the guidance and direction it's giving me means so much. I now understand so much more… and I am growing as a person each and every day. Your information has been extremely, extremely, helpful to me... thank you."
Yes, Jeff - I made my choice. I want my family and marriage to be happy, healthy, and trusting again!
I want instant, unlimited access to your “How Can I trust You Again” video training package so my spouse and I can finally start learning, living, and loving together... today.
Rest easy: secure checkout, total privacy.
You're about to start making real, comfortable progress toward restoring the trust you used to share with your partner.
And that brings me almost as much joy as it will to you.
Jeffrey D Murrah,
LPC, LMFT, LCDC
PS • You have my word – an unconditional, 365-day guarantee – that this system will help you rebuild the trust in your relationship. You'll receive a full refund if, after you implement the information and tools compiled over 30 years of helping couples rebuild their relationships, you don't see strong evidence that the trust, intimacy and love in your marriage has improved; if your friends and family don't comment that they notice something has changed – or if you don't feel a renewed hope over your marriage... simply let me know.
Here's to a trust-filled future – let yours begin today!!
Get instant, unlimited access to "How Can I trust You Again" so you and your spouse can finally start learning, living, and loving together...today.
Rest easy: secure checkout, total privacy.